We have concluded Sefer Chofetz Chaim with all of his Be’er Mayim Chaim footnotes. Yasher Koach, it’s been glorious learning the whole entire time! Next week we are starting the mussar sefer, Maalos Hamidos, considered a classic but not as well known.
Halacha 9: Up until this point The Chofetz Chaim was talking about shidduchim in the stage of dating or pre-dating, while still researching. Now, once a couple is already engaged is a whole different story. In terms of a person realizing thatvthe perspective father in law of the guy is not planning on following through with the conditions of support that he agreed with the chosson if you find out about this then you can tell the chosson only if you know that chosson won’t automatically break up the engagement but rather will only be concerned with what you say and seek advice and research about what to do or will go to a Jewish Court for assistance. However, if he will act on his own you can’t tell him anything even if you meet all the conditions because you can’t allow him to do something that would not be done in court. The court would not break up the shidduch, ruin the girl, on account of her father. They would enforce the tannaim, conditions of support that was officially agreed upon or at least settle with some compromise. You also have to be sure the guy isn’t hiding anything on his end either. Furthermore, there are many times when you might hear something but it’s a threat or an exaggeration. For example, there is a gemara in Shavuos daf 46a about, for example, Reuvain told Shimon I am going to cut down Levi’s tree. Shimon can only tell Levi that in order so that he can protect his tree, his property but if Levi will go and hurt Reuvain then Shimon cannot say anything because people get angry or what not and say things they don’t mean and then regret what they said and do Teshuva immediately. This doesn’t only apply to a sin between man and Hashem, that one should assume he repents and you cannot speak lashon hara about him, but even in this case where he does not owe any money yet, he didn’t steal anything or the like, the future father in law just threatened to not live up to what he promised, it’s very possible it’s just a threat and nothing more so you can’t say anything if the guy will break off the marriage without seeking advice.
Halacha 10: However in a case where you know the girl has a medical condition that can’t be seen from the outside and the guy doesn’t know about it then even after the engagement you can tell him, and you don’t need to be two witnesses, because a Jewish court would break up an engagement even if one person testified of health issues in this case. But of course you have to meet all the conditions spoken in chapter 9 halacha 2 of hilchos rechilus. If you only heard second hand of the medical conditions, then you shouldn’t say anything unless you know for sure the guy won’t break off the engagement before researching. Because many times once there is a stigma, even if it’s just rumors it messes up the relationship. Either way you should say “I heard ” she has a certain medical issue, and the guy can look into it. Himself.
Halacha 11: However, if you know about the girl that she comes from an immodest home, pritzus, or the guy has views antithetical of basic Torah belief, apikorsus, then even after the engagement you can relay this information to either side without any conditions and if they break up they break up. If you only hear second hand you have to say you only heard second hand and they should do their own research, same as before, no difference.
The Chofetz Chaim concludes that he could give more examples in business, hiring workers, etc. But he has said enough and there is not much more time available to elaborate. But in conclusion: “The rule is, a person must focus his eyes and his heart on his ways, specifically on what comes out of his mouth, so that one won’t get.
involved in other people’s matters unless you truthfully know the issue clearly from the start. And one also must intend only to help the cause and not to speak out of hatred. Also, to see the ramifications of what you are about to say to be sure you don’t G-d forbid speak to much, outside the fence of halacha. Only then will one be at the point where he has escaped the trap of the yetzer hara. May The Rock Of Israel save us from mistakes and show us insights from His incredible Torah. Blessed is Hashem forever amen and amen!” We have concluded the second part of Sefer Chofetz Chaim.