In the concluding Torah portion for the Book of Breishis, parshas Vayechi, Yaakov passes away and the Torah relates that the brothers mourned for seven days (Breishis 50:10). The last Medrish Tanchuma in the book of Breishis concludes that from this pasuk we learn the laws of shiva, the day mourning period following the death of a close relative. …The medrish then asks why the mourning period is for exactly seven days?, and answers that it is contrary to the seven days of partying for a wedding, sheva brachos. The Etz Yosef, quoting the Yifeh Toar, asks what does one have to do with the other, that the text of medrish (which the Etz Yosef says we don’t have) says “just as he comes he will go?” The Yefeh Toar explains that this hints to the fact that there is no point to life in this world, and its joys, because in the end a person will die;, just as he comes he will go. Therefore, just as the days of partying we have for a wedding, which is for the sake of having children (if Hashem grants the couple to have children), is for 7 days, so too the days of mourning are the same amount. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
We must put in context what it means that there is ‘no point to life and happiness in this world. For if that is really true, then why have days of feasting by a wedding, and what about what the Mesilas Yesharim says in the first chapter, “…but the path to the object of our desires is this world, as our sages of blessed memory have said, ‘This world is like a corridor to the World to Come (Avos 4:21).’ The means which lead a man to this goal are the mitzvos, in relation to which we are commanded by G-D, may His name be blessed. The place of the performance of the mitzvos is this world alone.” If that is the case than doesn’t this world have a very important role in our lives and the Torah even says in the curses of parshas Ki Savo “because you did not serve Hashem, your G-D amid joy…” (Devarim 28:47). So we see how important life is in this world, as well as living it up happily and serving Hashem with joy. s So how can the Yefeh Toar be saying there is no point to life and happiness in this world?
However,, the answer is, that vis a vis the World to Come, this world is nothing, as the Medrish Tanchuma concludes, “The Holy One Blessed Be He said that in this world you are pained over the righteous, mourning for 7 days. In the future to come I will switch their mourning to glee and comfort them and cheer them up from their depression (Yirmiyahu 31:12). And I will comfort Tzion and its destruction, as it says, ‘For Hashem will comfort Tzion, He will comfort all her ruins; He will make her wilderness like Eden and her wasteland like a garden of Hashem; joy and gladness will be found there, thanksgiving and the sound of music’ (Yeshayahu 51:3).
The Medrish Rabba concludes Sefer Breishis the same way as the Tanchuma, and the Yefeh Toar there explains that “this pasuk is only a hint to the concept of seven days of shiva but it’s not a Torah level obligation. Mourning for seven days is only Rabbinic. Since that’s the case the medrish was wondering why the rabbis enacted mourning to be for that long, isn’t there a punishment for mourning over the dead too much (See Devarim 14:1)? That is why the medrish answers that 7 days is opposite the sheva brachos, 7 days of feasting by a wedding. (Sheva brachos is learned from Shimshon in Pirkei diRebbe Eliezer, parenthetically.) Since it’s better to go to a mourners house then to go to a party house, and the hearts of the wise are at a mourners house and the hearts of fools are in a party house, therefore the days [of celebrating and mourning] are equal… there is another reason [why they are equated] because the days of feasting by a wedding has a connection to the days of burial, for since a person is destined to die, therefore he feels compelled to try to have children, and ensure offspring… Therefore, the days of mourning were set up as 7 days just as the days of partying after a wedding.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
If it is so bad to mourn too much over the dead, then why is it permissible to set up these seven days of mourning just to equate it to the seven days of partying at after a wedding? Isn’t it still going overboard;, why risk the punishment?
However, it would seem that the lesson learned from equating them two is such an important lesson that it’s worth it for the Rabbis to enact seven days of mourning. In fact, the reason for the punishment of overly mourning is the same as for Shiva, to realize that this world is temporary and we should not put too much focus on it, as mentioned in the Sforno Devarim 14:1, “there is no reason to mourn excessively for the person who has passed as he, at least, has not experienced any loss, on the contrary, he has been promoted to the region of eternal life, something of which our sages in Avos 4:6-7 have said that a single hour of the serenity experienced in that life is worth all the combined delights ever experienced during one’s transient life on earth.”
There is definitely a very important attitude to live life and enjoy it in this world;, it is the corridor to prepare yourself for the ultimate joy of basking in Hashem’s presence in the next world and part of the preparation is to be happy while serving Hashem. That is part of living life properly, but it must be with the perspective that it is just temporary, it’s not the beginning and end of life. There is much more to life than this world and the real joy is in the World to Come. This equation puts one’s mindset into the proper perspective, if focused on accurately, that as important this world is the main place to look forward to is the World to Come.
Vayigash – Anger Management Solution
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The Ramban opens his letter to his son saying, “Constantly act by talking all your words softly, to every person, at all times. In this way you will be saved from anger, which is a bad attribute that causes people to sin. As Chaza”l (Nedarim 22a) say, ‘All who are angry, all sorts of Gehenom control him as it says (Koheles11:10) ‘remove anger from your heart, and take off bad from your flesh,’ and bad only refers here to Gehenom as it says (Mishley 16:4) ‘and also the wicked for the day of bad.'” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The beginning of Orchos Tzadikim, in The Gate of Anger, states: “Anger is an evil trait. Just as scurvy is a disease of the body, so anger is a disease of the soul… Our sages have said further (Nedarim 22b): ‘If one gets angry, even the Shechina is of no account to him…And he also forgets his learning and grows in stupidity… and it is known that his sins are more than his merits…’ and his punishment is very great…” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
If this is how terrible the character flaw of anger is, then why does the Rabbeinu Bachye in his introduction to this week’s Torah portion of Vayigash say that “it is well known that Yosef should not have been the one showing anger over his stolen goblet, but rather Yehuda and his brothers, who were in fact innocent of the crime since the whole thing was a setup, were the ones that should have been angry. Nevertheless, Yehuda the great wise one, powerful physically and spiritually, was able to overcome his proclivity and did not become angry. Even though it was fitting for them to be angry, Yehuda saw that it wasn’t the time or place to get angry, but rather to speak gently in order to calm down the wrath of the master, Yosef.” How can Rabbeinu Bachye say that the brothers were the ones that really should have been mad? No one deserves to be angry, because anger is such a bad character trait as we saw above! So what does Rabbeinu Bachye mean when he says the brothers were deserving of feeling angry?
It must be that anger is a very different negative character trait than most character flaws, in that it comes spontaneously onto a person, whereas other characters flaws are developed. This is why there is no prohibition of becoming angry in the Torah but there are prohibitions against other emotions, such as jealousy, “Don’t covet” (Shemos 20:14), hatred, “Don’t hate your brother in your heart” (Vayikra19:17), and haughtiness. As the Orchos Tzadikim says in the beginning of The Gate of Pride, “Pride is the coin the Great, Blessed King has invalidated and which He has extorted us about in His Torah, as it is written: ‘Take heed lest you forget Hashem your G-D’ (Devarim8:11) for the proud man forgets his Creator…” The feelings of pride, hatred, and jealousy develop inside a person and get worse over time, so the Torah prohibits one to develop those negative attributes. But anger is a spontaneous emotion, which is why it makes sense that in their circumstances the Rabbeinu Bachye says Yehuda and his brothers were the ones who should have been experiencing it, not Yosef. This is also why the Torah didn’t place a prohibition against becoming angry. However, since if you let it fester, it is so unhealthy, Hashem created a system to manage anger which the Ramban says is to always speak softly. That will diffuse the feeling of anger that might be triggered when someone is being irritating, which might naturally spark anger.
However, talking softly isn’t just a system to calm oneself down; it can also be used as a weapon or mechanism against other people who are angry at you, to calm them down and diffuse the situation. Rabbeinu Bachye, as he always does in his introduction to the Torah portion quotes a pasuk from Mishley. “A gentle reply turns away wrath, but a galling word incites anger” (15:1). “Shlomo Hamelech (the author of Mishley) is warning a person in this pasuk to raise one’s soul and habituate one’s natural tendency and speech in replying gently to others, because replying gently quiets and puts to rest anger towards an angry person. Antagonizing words which are the opposite of replying gently cause a buildup of anger and wrath.” Rabbeinu Bachye goes on to describe the power of speech in general; how it is a great power that can influence good and bad, life and death, as we see speech being related to learning Torah but also to speaking lashon hara/slander. Then he says, “And because speech is a major component for saving one’s soul and body, or G-D forbid causing its destruction, King Shlomo comes and teaches knowledge to the nation that they should strengthen themselves in this attribute of replying softly because it calms wrath, even the wrath of the king as he says, ‘the king’s wrath is like angels of death’ (Mishley 16:14). Now Yehuda ben Yaakov excelled in this attribute for he spoke to Yosef softly and in this way calmed his wrath that he was showing them, for he was angry over the incident of the goblet [found in Binyamin’s sack.]” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
We see from Rabbeinu Bachye that speaking softly doesn’t just calm oneself down but can calm others down, even an angry leader. The reason why soft speech even has an influence on others is as the Ramban writes later in his letter to his son, “Therefore I will explain to you how to act with the trait of humility, to walk in it constantly. All your words should be said gently… and if someone calls out for you don’t answer him loudly, rather gently, like one who stands before his master.” Speaking gently has a calming effect which makes others perceive that you are humbling yourself before them, and therefore they feel obliged to act in kind and treat you with some level of respect. That is why the anger resides on both sides, you are feeling ashamed or humbled by your actions of speaking gently and he feels respected.
Miketz – Fooling Themselves
Yosef’s brothers confront him in this week’s Torah portion of Miketz. The obvious question is: why hadn’t they figured out who he was? Yosef unintentionally dropped so many hints that it seemed obvious he was Yosef; how were they able to turn a blind eye?
The Torah states, “Now Yosef was the ruler over the land; it was he who sold grain to the entire populace of the land, and Yosef’s brothers came and prostrated themselves to him, with their faces to the ground. And Yosef saw his brothers, and he recognized them, but he made himself a stranger to them, and he spoke to them harshly, and he said to them, ‘Where do you come from?’ And they said, ‘From the land of Canaan to purchase food.’ Now Yosef recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him” (Breishis 42:6-8).
The Radak first quotes Rashi, that the reason why the brothers did not recognize Yosef but Yosef recognized the brothers was because he left them without a beard and now he had a beard; but they all had beards when he left so he recognized them but they did not recognize him. However, the Radak continues, “that it was really possible for them to recognize Yosef even though he now had a beard, except for the fact that they saw him in a high position of leadership and it was so farfetched in their eyes that this was Yosef who they sold as a slave and now he is master over all of Egypt. They said in their hearts that even though he looks like Yosef, there are many people that look a little bit similar to each other, therefore it left their hearts that this was Yosef.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The brothers were face to face with the viceroy of Egypt and he looked exactly like Yosef. Yet they literally could not believe their eyes; in reality they didn’t want to believe their eyes. Although they knew about Yosef’s dreams that they would bow down to him, and in fact they even came to Egypt looking for Yosef, they still were unable to put two and two together, whether consciously or unconsciously.
The Radak goes on to explain the end of pasuk 7, that Yosef purposefully estranged himself from his brothers by speaking to them harshly and calling them spies. This was in order to remove the possibility that he was Yosef from their hearts and minds. But they had many hints afterwards, which should have given away, the fact that the person in front of them was actually Yosef. Just to name a few, for example, when Yosef heard the brothers talking amongst themselves expressing their regrets for what they had done to him, Yosef, pasuk 24 based on the Radak says he started crying because he saw them admitting fault, and he had to run out of the room to compose himself. Afterwards, the pasuk says Yosef threw Shimon in jail right in front of the brothers; but the Radak quotes a medrish (Breishis Rabba 91:8) that says that after they left Yosef took Shimon out of jail, fed him, washed him up, and anointed him with oils to freshen up. Wouldn’t that tip off at least to Shimon that something strange was going on and allow him to consider that he might indeed be his brother Yosef? In fact, when Shimon was reunited with hos brothers, he could have told them this viceroy might actually be Yosef, but he never thought about that! (Click here for Hebrew text.)
When the brothers came back to Egypt with Binyamin, Yosef invited them to eat with him, they still thought that he was up to no good, and that there was no way that he might actually be their brother, being nice to them. The Radak on perek 43, pasuk 18 says that the brothers were saying to each other that this viceroy of Egypt was trying to find excuses to take them as slaves by first contriving a plot to find them guilty on charges of stealing their own money that they paid with. He was being nasty to them from the start, so now by inviting them to eat with him he was setting up a trap to make them his slaves. They didn’t hear what Yosef had told his servants, to fill their bags with money as gifts to comfort them. He even told them in pasuk 23, “Peace shall be with you, you shall not be afraid, your G-D and the G-D of your fathers gave to you treasures in your bags. Your money came to me, and he brought out to them Shimon.” Even though Yosef attributed their good fortune of finding money in their bags to Hashem, still they didn’t get the hint. This wasn’t even the first time he had mentioned G-D. Before in perek 42 pasuk 18 Yosef said, “On the third day, Joseph said to them: “Do this and live I fear God.” The Radak there says Yosef is telling the brothers, I fear G-D and I would not keep all of you because there is a famine in your house, and it would be a travesty [to not allow you to feed your household], rather I would keep only one of you to interrogate. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Then, in pasuk 33, Yosef sits them at the table by age, youngest to oldest, and the pasuk says that they were of course shocked; how did he know? The Radak says the brothers were shocked that this viceroy was able to know their age order, for how was he able to recognize who was older from amongst people that were all born within 7 years of each other? This was astonishing in their eyes, yet still it wasn’t fishy enough for them to connect the dots that he must be Yosef. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
We see from here how far the bias of denial can stretch. The brothers refused to acknowledge the possibility that Yosef became second in command in Egypt and his dreams came true. Therefore even though he looked like Yosef, and there were many hints that it might actually be Yosef, they still never put two and two together until he actually revealed himself as being Yosef, their brother.
Vayeishev -Two Dimensions
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The classic debate of how to understand Hashem as all-knowing, with the ability to see what was, is, and will be, because He runs the world, while balancing it with the concept of free choice, and the question of man’s ability to make decisions or not, is discussed in a Medrish Tanchuma (4) on this week’s Torah portion of Veyeishev. The quickest way to resolve the dilemma is to say that Hashem exists on a different dimensional plane from us, can see into our dimension, in fact created it and interacts with it constantly, at every moment, and without His interaction we would cease to exist. When Chaza”l says He is everywhere, and a name for G-D is Hamakom, The Place, but also that his Shechina, Holy Presence, rests in certain places, what that means is that G-D in fact is everywhere from the viewpoint of His dimension interacting with ours, and He is The Place because He created everything, but He focuses His Holy Presence in certain places more than others into our world, and even at different strengths, depending on our time, place, and what we deserve. But from within our dimension, with our limited viewpoint of time and space, we have the ability to make choices between good and bad and everything in between. Hashem created it purposefully in this way because He is by definition good and wants us to earn the best state of spiritual bliss and closeness, basking in His glory, that we can possibly attain. This is basically how to understand and believe that there is a G-D who is all powerful and all knowing, who created the world and is in constant control of the upkeep of its existence, and yet we also have free will.
However, there is an added insight that can be gleaned from this medrish, for it states: “’And Yosef was brought down to Egypt’ This is analogous with the pasuk in Tehillim (66:5), ‘Go and see the deeds of G-D, awesome in His excuses toward mankind.’ Rebbe Yehoshua ben Karcha says, that even the awesome wonders that You bring upon us are brought through an excuse. Come and see, for when Hashem created the world, from the first day He created the Angel of Death. How do we know this? Rebbe Brechiya says because it says in the Torah, ‘and darkness upon the surface of the deep’ (Breishis 2:1). This refers to the Angel of Death who darkens the faces of creation. Man was created on the sixth, and an excuse was hung upon him that he brought death onto the world, as it says, ‘on the day you eat from it you shall surely die’ (Breishis 2:17). This is compared to one who wanted to divorce his wife. When he was planning on going back home he wrote a get (divorce bill). He entered the house with the get in his hand. He needed some excuse to give it to her. He said to her, pour me a hot drink I can drink. She poured for him. He said to her, get out of my house for you poured me a lukewarm drink instead of a hot drink. She said to him, you already knew I would pour you a lukewarm drink, for you wrote a get and brought it with you in your hand! So to Adam said to Hashem, “Master Of The World, 2000 years before you created the world, the Torah was already a nursling by you, as it’s written, “And I was then His nursling, and I was then a precious delight day, day” (Mishley 8:30) which equals 2000 years (for a day is like a thousand years for Hashem. Not that Hashem is bound by time, G-d forbid, for thousands of years is like one second by Him because He’s beyond time, rather Hashem just said this in a language that people would understand-Etz Yosef). It is written inside the Torah, ‘This is the Torah, a person who died in the tent’ (Bamidbar 19:14). If you would not have enacted death to people, would you have written that? Rather you blamed the excuse on me.” This is what it means ‘awesome is the excuse on people.’” The Etz Yosef explains this means that what Hashem decreed in His wisdom that whatever should be in this world, is not brought upon man in a forceful manner, to the point that a person’s actions are controlled, but rather it’s unfolded into reality through the actions of mankind without controlling people to do their actions. Like this woman who was not forced to pour lukewarm or cold water as her husband thought she would do, intending to divorce her. The matter of lukewarm water being poured was only an excuse, if it had not happened that way, there would have been some other reason.
The medrish goes onto to give a second example, about how Moshe was never meant to bring the Jews into Israel, but Hashem orchestrated the excuse of Moshe sinning by the hitting of the rock for that to happen.
The medrish brings a third example from this week’s parsha, “And so too we find by Yosef it says, ‘and his brothers saw that their father loved him [more] because of the scarlet stripe that he made on his striped coat. For this there were four tragedies done to him…. because of this, the coat of stripes caused all the tribes to go down to Egypt. Rebbe Yudan said Hashem wanted to fulfill the promise to Avraham that his descendants will go into exile and be redeemed with wealth, and He brought an excuse to ensure all of it comes about in that Yaakov loved Yosef and his brothers hated him, sold him to the Yishmaelites, who brought him down to Egypt, eventually Yaakov heard that Yosef was alive in Egypt and went down with the tribes there and were subjugated there. This is what ‘And Yosef went down to Egypt’ is referring to but don’t read it ‘as he went down’ but rather that ‘he brought down’ his father and family to Egypt. Rebbe Tanchuna says, what is this comparable to? To someone who wants to put a yoke onto a cow’s neck and it refuses the yoke. What does he do? He takes her calf from in back of her and drags it to the place he wants the cow to plow. The calf moos. The cow hears her calf moo and not for her own good she walks to her son. So to Hashem wanted to fulfill the promise He made to Avraham and He brought an excuse for all these events to happen so that they can go down to Egypt and He pays up his document. That is why it says ‘and Yosef went down to Egypt’ and this is the awesomeness of an excuse etc.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The medrish wanted to prove that Hashem doesn’t control us like preprogrammed robots, forcing us to do things, but rather He set into nature a chain of events that will lead to the end result of what He desires. Yet the means are through individuals being manipulated, but making choices which lead to the end, desired result.
The medrish gives 3 examples. One is that people were destined to be mortal, yet it only came to be out of the choice made by Adam and Chava to eat from the Tree Of Knowledge. Two, Moshe was never destined to enter the land of Israel, but it only came into fruition because of his decision to hit the rock. And three, the promise made to Avraham was destined to be fulfilled but only came about through the means of Yaakov choosing to favor Yosef, which had a domino effect which landed Yaakov and his family in Egypt. The first example was explained based on a parable of a man wanting to divorce his wife and manipulating events for that to happen. The second example did not have or need a parable, and the third example had the parable of manipulating the stubborn cow to get into the yoke to plow. Why were two parables needed to explain the concept, and what were they emphasizing?
The first parable showed that the wife really had a choice, and yet she chose to serve her husband lukewarm water which resulted in a divorce, because she clearly didn’t treat him nicely. He knew what was going to happen, anticipated it, and was of course right, so he was prepared with the bill of divorce; yet technically he could have and would have found another excuse to hand it to her. So too, Hashem knew Adam perfectly, and knew this was going to happen, but left it up to him to choose to do what he did, and if he hadn’t done it, there would have been some other incident that would have justified making humans into mere mortals.
The second example is along the same lines as the first; however the third example is a bit different than the first two. The first two showed that Hashem knows the way people think, so He manipulated the circumstances in order that they would choose the destined end game. The third example showed that Hashem orchestrated a chain of events to happen in order to get the destined result; not necessarily because of the way one thinks, but through multiple, multifaceted events and characters coming together through free will, to create the desired effect. That is what both parables are teaching us. We see from here that G-D runs and directs the world, but we have free choice to choose whether we will be part of the destiny of Hashem’s master plan or someone else will, or even if it will involve us, the question is how we will be involved.
One might ask: which is harder to comprehend, that there is a G-d running the world or that we have free choice? One might think I can understand we have free choice because we make decisions every day, but who says there is really a G-D? However we see from here, from the fact that the medrish had to give two parables explaining how we have free choice in these situations, without proving that G-D exists, it must be it’s obvious and easier to believe in Hashem once one has come to the realization there is an All Mighty, All Powerful Master of the Universe, but it’s still difficult to then come to grips with the fact that we are not simply puppets controlled by Him. Therefore the medrish gave to parables to explain how we still have free will.
Vayishlach – Unhinged Vs. Leaders and Police
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Yaakov engages with his brother Esav in the beginning of this week’s Torah portion of Vayishlach. The Pirkei diRebbe Eliezer (chapter 37) depicts the unhinged personality of Esav: “When Yaakov went to enter the land of Canaan, Esav came to meet him from Har Seir, fuming with great rage, to kill him as it says, “The wicked man plots against the righteous and gnashes his teeth at him” (Tehillim 37:12). Esav said, I will not kill my brother with bow and arrow, rather I will kill him with my mouth and suck out his blood, as it says “Esav ran to meet him and he hugged him and fell on his neck, and kissed him, and cried” (Breishis 33:4). Don’t read the word as וישקהו, and he kissed him, but rather וישכהו, and he bit him. However [miraculously], Yaakov’s neck turned hard as bone and blunted Esav’s teeth.
The beginning of this chapter in Pirkei diRebbe Eliezer quotes a pasuk in Amos (5:19) to explain Yaakov’s escape from Lavan but into the clutches of Esav: “As if a man flees from the lion and the bear meets him…” The lion is Lavan who ran after Yaakov to take his life. The bear is Esav who was standing on the road like an agitated bear coming to kill a mother with her children. The lion has feelings of shame, but a bear feels no shame. Yaakov got up and prayed before Hashem saying, ‘Master of the World didn’t you tell me to go back to the land of your forefathers, and where you were born, and I will be with you? But my brother Esav now comes to kill me and he is not afraid of You, and I am afraid of him.’ From here they say don’t be afraid of police or a ruler, rather from a person who does not fear Hashem and stands up against you on the road like an agitated bear to kill a mother with her children. The Beur Maspik explains that Lavan had shame before Hashem, for he said to Yaakov ‘And the G-d of your father…you shall watch yourself from talking with Yaakov good or bad’ (Breishis perek 31). Lavan was frightened from what Hashem told him in a dream. Accordingly, Chaza”l says that one who feels shame won’t be quick to sin but Esav did not have any fear of G-D before his eyes at all. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
In the Pesach Hagada we read “Come and learn what Lavan the Arami tried to do to our father Yaakov. While Pharoah decreed only against the males, Lavan desired to uproot all. For so it is written, ‘An Arami sought to destroy my father; and he went down to Egypt and dwelled there, a handful, few in number. There he became a nation, great, mighty, and numerous.” We see from here that Lavan was worse that Pharaoh in a sense because he wanted to wipe out the entire family and there would never have been a Jewish nation. But Pharaoh, despite all the terrible and torturous decrees he made, would at most only have wiped out the Jewish males. Furthermore, Lavan is referred in the Torah as a fraudster; he is unpredictable, constantly devising plots to undermine his fellow, in this case Yaakov. So wasn’t Yaakov concerned at least as much, if not more, about Lavan than about Esav? As with Esav, it can be seen pretty blatantly his wrath and intent, but Lavan could double cross him and he might not even realize it?
It would seem, though, that because Lavan had this shame, some level of moral decency, that it put him in check and was easier to deal with. But Esav, having a lack of care and decency for anything, was a totally unhinged character, unpredictable, and that is why Yaakov was afraid of him, and needed to reinforce his proper faith and trust in Hashem, which he eventually did, by praying to Hashem to save him from his brother and then setting up a strategic plan of splitting his family up into two camps and giving gifts to Esav in order to appease him.
This isn’t just about people who are G-D fearing or not G-D fearing, although that happened to have been the major difference between Lavan and Esav. Though one wouldn’t exactly call Lavan G-D fearing, he at least recognized that one doesn’t mess with Hashem if He comes to you in a dream. However, from the fact that the Ralbag extends this to any ruler or policeman, not just a Jew, it must mean that there is a fundamental difference between someone who has shame and one who is not shameful at all. From the fact that the medrish compares a ruler or policeman to one who does not fear Hashem would seem to mean that just having a sense of law and order, living by the rule of law as a policeman or a ruler does, gives them at least the potential ability to be more attuned to fear of G-D, even if they don’t outwardly express any connection to religion but when faced with the opportunity as Lavan was, they would more relate to subjugating themselves to the will of G-D. They have the moral decency and more of a chance to feel ashamed if they break the rules they live by and enforce. Whereas a person who is lawless and doesn’t care about the law at all, has no shame and is crazily unhinged, He won’t ever be ashamed and fear Hashem with his current attitude, no matter how blatant and obvious the messages are being sent his way. That is a reason to be worried and afraid of that type of person, versus the police or a ruler.
Lavan was a chieftain, a ruler of Aram, and even though he was a scam artist he at least had some moral decency and on some level even a fear of Hashem that kept him in check. So Yaakov felt he was able to deal with Lavan, whereas Esav was a totally unhinged person with no shame, and certainly no fear of Hashem, so he was totally unpredictable and that is why Yaakov was rightfully afraid of him.
Vayetzei – Don’t Ask for Too Much
This Dvar Torah is dedicated l’iluy nishmas Chana Chaya bas Chaim Yachnes, a woman loved by all who knew her, May she be a melitza yosher for gantz Klal Yisrael, amen.
Did you ever wonder why Rochel named her first child Yosef? In this week’s Torah portion of Vayetzei the Torah states in perek 30:
| 23 And she conceived and bore a son, and she said, “G-D has taken away my reproach.” | כגוַתַּ֖הַר וַתֵּ֣לֶד בֵּ֑ן וַתֹּ֕אמֶר אָסַ֥ף אֱלֹהִ֖ים אֶת־חֶרְפָּתִֽי: | |
| 24So she named him Yosef, saying, “May Hashem grant me yet another son!” | כדוַתִּקְרָ֧א אֶת־שְׁמ֛וֹ יוֹסֵ֖ף לֵאמֹ֑ר יֹסֵ֧ף יְהֹוָ֛ה לִ֖י בֵּ֥ן אַחֵֽר: |
The Rashbam says that Rochel could have named him Asaf, for Hashem ‘taking away her humiliation’ but she called him Yosef because she prayed to have another child so both names were in mind. Rashi adds: “She knew through prophecy that Jacob was destined to establish only twelve tribes. She said, “May it be His will that the one He is destined to establish be from me.” Therefore, she prayed only for another son [and no more]. — [from Gen. Rabbah 72:6]” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The Ralbag, however, understands the pasuk as not saying that Rochel had prophesy, but rather the reason behind the prayer was purely practical. “It’s appropriate when asking for a favor or grace [from Hashem] to not ask for something big because maybe He will decisively reject giving the favor altogether. For this reason, you will find that Rochel only asked for one more son so that she will have at least one more child. She did not ask for many children. For this reason, you will find by Yaakov that he only asked from the Blessed Hashem for bread to eat and clothes to wear. For this reason, it’s observed that the blessing of a prophet is calculated according to the one receiving it because he will not beseech Hashem for an abundance of good, more than deserved.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Hashem is the All-knowing, Almighty, who can certainly do whatever He wants; therefore He has the ability to grant even a surplus of things if someone beseeches Him for that. Even if He doesn’t want to, or doesn’t think it is appropriate, why can a person not pray for an abundance of something and be satisfied with whatever he or she gets? It’s still connecting with Hashem and trusting Him, and if he doesn’t get all that he asks for; wouldn’t he be satisfied with what he does get? Why then does the Ralbag say he might get nothing if he asks for abundance? If one asks for a little and his or her prayers aren’t answered wouldn’t that person possibly question Hashem for not answering his or her prayers just as much as the person who asked for a lot and didn’t get all of it would seemingly question Hashem, which is probably why he or she will in the end get nothing?
It would seem that Hashem is unlikely to accept prayers asking for an abundance, but rather is ready to accept prayers asking for just what a person feels they need next. The reason must be because prayers for an abundance are really not full– hearted, and are more of a general plea,on which people would be willing to accept whatever they can get. For this reason, Hashem might not give them anything if He sees their intent, kavana, is not pure and strong. Asking in this fashion creates an attitude and feeling that one doesn’t need to pray as hard as they should. But when one is asking for a little, just enough for the next thing he wants or needs, then his davening will be more authentic, with greater kavana, intent and emotion, and therefore Hashem will be more receptive. And if he sees Hashem isn’t answering his pleas, there is more of a chance that he will understand that he himself isn’t praying hard enough, and he will try to redouble his intent before giving up or settling for what he has.
This is why Rochel only asked for one more son and Yaakov only asked for food to eat and clothes to cover his back, and why the prophet can only ask for what the person deserves, since the intent of the recipient will be more authentic.
Toldos – Unwavering Dedication to Mesorah
In this week’s Torah Portion of Toldos, Yitzchak is found in Gerar due to another famine in the Land of Canaan. Yitzchak became very wealthy when in Gerar and the Torah relates, “And he had possessions of sheep and possessions of cattle and much production, and the Philistines envied him. And all the wells that his father’s servants had dug in the days of Avraham his father the Philistines stopped them up and filled them with earth. And Avimelech said to Yitzchak, ‘Go away from us, for you have become much stronger than we.’ And Yitzchak went away from there, and he encamped in the valley of Gerar and dwelt there. And Yitzchak again dug the wells of water which they had dug in the days of his father, Avraham, and the Philistines had stopped them up after Avraham’s death; and he gave them names like the names that his father had given them” (Breishis 26:14-18).
Rabbeinu Bachye elaborates on this episode. “The Torah is telling us that because of the jealousy the Plishtim felt they should close up the wells that were dug in the days of Avraham, his father, in order so that Yitzchak can’t make use of them for his crops and flock to drink. Yitzchak wound up overtaking them and digging up the wells and called them by the same names as his father. He did this in honor of his father. The fact that the Torah mentioned this seems to mean it was a merit to Yitzchak. There is inspiration to be learned from here and all the more so that one should not go against the ways of his forefathers. For we see that Yitzchak didn’t even want to change the names of the wells of his father all the more so one should follow the path of his forefathers, their customs and their mussar, (morality). And perhaps for this reason his name was not changed as our other forefathers, which was measure for measure. This is the explanation of the Gaon zt”l.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
We see from here that Yitzchak was so meticulous with following the ways of his father that even the wells that he had uncovered from when his father had first dug them were renamed the same names as his father had named them.
This was a gesture of respect for his father, to name the wells by the names his father had called them. Yet couldn’t he have shown his father even more respect by, let’s say renaming the wells after the many positive traits of his father, or something of the like, which would seemingly have been a greater honor to the memory of his father? What would have been the big deal if Yitzchak had changed the names of the wells?
It would seem that using the names his father had given to the wells is a greater honor to his father than naming them after his father. There also seems to be a connection to doing this simple act and the much broader picture of following his father’s morals and ways of life. This seems to be because adherence to tradition, to mesorah, in even the simplest of acts, reinforces our commitment to the ways of one’s parents and forefathers. Changing from these ways, as opposed to adaptation which might be needed at times, even if the change might seem better, is a breech in the system of mesorah, which most definitely would lead to further excuses to change and possibly even eventual complete break away from the proper ways and customs of one’s family, religion and proper morals.
Because of Yitzchak’s meticulous adherence to his family and their mesorah, measure for measure Hashem rewarded him with not needing to change his name.
Chaye Sarah-Proper Etiquette
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Many people are embarrassed by their hair going gray, yet on the contrary it is a crown of glory as the Medrish Tanchuma (3) at the very end of the piece on this week’s parsha concludes: “Another interpretation, ‘You were dressed in glory and splendor’ from Your glory and Your splendor You dressed Avraham’s head that You gave him glory in his old age as it says ‘and Avraham was old'”. The Etz Yosef explains that Hashem attributed the pasuk in Daniel 7:9, “His hair like clean wool” to Avraham. We see in fact that a head of white hair is actually a glorified crown on the head of a person.
The Medrish Tanchuma elaborates in more detail about this concept in his first piece on the parsha based on the pasuk, “Now Avraham was old, well on in years, and Hashem had blessed Avraham with everything” (Breishis 24:1). The Medrish Tanchuma begins the parsha of Chayei Sarah by stressing the importance of being focused and having a clear mind while praying.The medrish then says, “There was no person who focused all his mind and intent in prayer like Avraham Avinu, who said before Hashem, ‘You should not do something like this.’ When Hashem saw that he was beseeching a merit for the world not to be destroyed, He started praising him and saying ‘You are more beautiful beyond any other man etc.’ (Tehillim 45:3). [Avraham]said back to [Hashem], what beauty do I have, when my son and I walk into a city they can’t differentiate between the father and the son because a person lives 100 or 200 years and doesn’t grow old! Avraham [further] said, Master of the Universe, You must differentiate between the father and son and between the young and the old, so that the elder will be distinguished by the youth. Hashem said back to him that I swear I will start with you. [Avraham] went his way and went to sleep that night and got up in the morning. Upon waking up he found that the hair on his head and beard had turned white. He said before Him, Master of the Universe, you made me an example! He said back to him, ‘The crown of splendor is old age’ (Tehillim 16:32). ‘The glory of elders is old age’ (Tehillim 20:29). That is why it says, ‘And Avraham was old.'”
The Anaf Yosefasks a blatant question on this medrish; “it already wrote by the destruction of Sodom ‘from the young to the old’ and Lot’s daughters said, ‘Our father is old’? Even by Avraham, himself, the Torah writes that Sarah said ‘My master is old,’ it also writes, ‘And Avraham and Sarah were old;‘ so why is this pasuk of ‘and Avraham was old’ any better than those pesukim to be indicative that white hair only started at this point? He answers that the feeling of being old out of living for most of one’s years was already felt in the world, but there was no recognition in the world of elderliness recognizable by hair graying, and therefore people who wanted to talk with Avraham would talk to Yitzchak. For this reason, Avraham asked for mercy that old age would be recognizable by the whitening of hair. The medrish is learning from this pasuk when it says ‘ Avraham was old well into his days’ though it wrote earlier before Yitzchak was born, ‘And my master is old’ as well as ‘And Avraham and Sarah were old’ for Avraham was then 100 years old. But the pasuk here was written after that for Yitzchak also had a nice long beard at this point and whoever wanted to speak with Avraham would mistakenly start speaking with Yitzchak, and therefore Avraham requested mercy that his hair would turn white.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Until that point people had felt their innards growing old, the aches and pains that come with old age; but nothing substantially different on the outside. Therefore, Yitzchak and Avraham, two great sages with long beards, looked the same, and people approached Yitzchak instead of Avraham if they went to a city of people who didn’t know them. Was Avraham jealous of Yitzchak? Why would he be, the Torah says Avraham had everything, he was an incredibly great tzadik and had nothing to be jealous about, especially over his own son. On the contrary, it should have been a source of great pride that his son was being treated with such respect and if Avraham felt someone really was supposed to be talking to him, he could politely say excuse me, I think you really wanted to speak to me, and Yitzchak could even direct the stranger to Avraham. So why did Avraham pray for his hair to turn white, asking for mercy, as if something terrible was happening every time he walked into a city with his son and they approached Yitzchak instead of him?
We must say that proper etiquette and basic manners is to first approach and speak to the elder before the younger person accompanying him and a breach of derech Eretz, proper manners might lead to a breakdown in society which Avraham did not want to cause so he beseeched from Hashem to change nature and have hair whiten in old age, which is the crown jewel of an elder who deserves the proper respect due to a person who has many years of experience in life.
Vayera – Sanity Together Through the Will of Hashem
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In this week’s Torah portion of Vayera, perek 20, Avraham goes down to Gerar and there is a confrontation between Avraham, the populace, and Avimelech, the king. In this encounter Avraham, scared, feels he must tell them that Sarah is his sister in order to save his own life.
Unlike when Avraham went down to Egypt because of a famine, and when Yitzchak went to Gerar because of a famine, the Torah does not mention that Avraham went to Gerar because of a famine. Why then did he go there? The Radak says he traveled from there to the Land of Plishtim in order to dwell in every spot that Hashem promised him he would inherit so that he will have acquired every portion of the land. Plishtim was also part of the inheritance, belonging to the tribe of Yehuda as mentioned in Yehoshua 13:3. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
In fact, when they get to Gerar the pasuk says “Avimelech, the king of Gerar sent [soldiers] and took Sarah” (20:2). Rabbeinu Bachye asks, “After Sarah was taken in Egypt to Pharaoh and a great miracle happened, that great blemishes started showing up [on Pharaoh and his palace,] which forced him to return her, then why did he now go down to Gerar, and say she is my sister, is it appropriate to rely on a miracle each time, maybe a miracle won’t happen this time? Rabbeinu Chanannel zt”l writes that now when he came to Gerar, he divorced her because he was afraid that they would kill him if he would say she is his wife. Nevertheless, Hashem didn’t let him be totally separated from her and leave such a righteous woman by a wicked man because it’s not right to let the scepter of the wicked be left on the fate of the righteous. This divorce was under duress, and this is why Hashem told [Avimelech in a dream] that she is married, for it wasn’t a complete divorce.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Avraham, out of fear for his life not only said what appears to be a white lie, although it did contain an element of truth since Sarah was indeed his niece, the daughter of his brother, so she was like a sister once removed. (See the end of this piece in the Rabbeinu Bachye.) In order to minimize the reliance on a miracle, which there is a rule in Jewish Law that one should not rely on miracles, rather believe they can happen if Hashem wants them to happen, Avraham even divorced his wife. And even though he was motivated by fear, and therefore Hashem didn’t allow the separation to be complete, and Avraham, unbeknownst to himself at the time, but undoubtedly thankful afterwards, was in fact still married to Sarah. Therefore Hashem decided a miracle once again was needed to be performed, to save Sarah’s dignity and life.
Eventually, after Avimelech gave Sarah back to Avraham, he insisted on making a peace treaty with Avraham, and Avraham acquiesced. Later in the next perek the Torah relates, “And Avraham contended with Avimelech about the well of water that the servants of Avimelech had forcibly seized” (Breishis 21:25). The Ralbag learns two lessons from this pasuk (Click here for Hebrew text.):
- It is proper for a person to distance himself as much as possible from any sense of oppression in business and of stealing. We see this from the fact that Avraham rebuked Avimelech even though he was the king, over the robbery that his servants oppressed Avraham with, thinking that it was done under the king’s command.
- A person should be brave-hearted when appropriate and soft of heart when appropriate. For we see that Avraham Avinu was originally afraid of Avimelech and therefore said about Sarah that she was his sister, out of fear of being killed. But now he strengthened himself to claim against the king about the king’s servants oppressing him, so that it will be clear to him that Avimelech did not want anything bad to be done to him since Avimelech was seeking out peace with him.
Fear is an emotional reaction which is inborn and very hard to control and to turn on and off. Even if Avraham was a good actor, it is known that actors go crazy from constantly playing different roles and changing their emotions on a sporadic basis. In reality we can assume Avraham wasn’t acting; so how was he able to control his emotions? What’s even more astounding is that the Ralbag says what he did should be a lesson for everyone to emulate. How can we be expected to control our emotions and be brave-hearted at the appropriate times, and soft-hearted at the appropriate times?
However, if one was to analyze what Avraham did and felt, and the motivations behind them, there is a common thread which binds it all together. That is doing Hashem’s will. Hashem wanted him to go place to place to live in every single spot he would be inheriting. Hashem did not want him to rely on miracles, and Hashem wanted him to admonish unlawful business, violence, and theft.
Therefore there will be times where Hashem will want him to be in a state of natural fear because no one really wants to die, it’s instinctive to want to stay alive. He was also afraid of relying on a miracle to be saved from death, so he felt he had to reduce that threat of relying on a miracle by divorcing his wife, which Avraham thought was Hashem’s will. But when Avimelech’s servants robbed Avraham’s wells he got angry and stood up to King Avimelech because he thought they confiscated them under his direction. If you look closely at the Ralbag he did not “strengthen his heart” because Avimelech’s servants took something away from him, being a personal issue, rather because he felt he had to rebuke the king for allowing or maybe even enforcing such injustice. Avraham understood and felt the detriment of these actions on the world and therefore he knew it was Hashem’s will to stand up to the king whom he previously feared and to set him straight. One would think Avraham would want to appease him since Avimelech was trying to make peace with him. Instead, the right thing to do was to rebuke Avimelech at this point; that is what Avraham calculated was Hashem’s will at that time and he acted in that fashion.
Running one’s life with the attitude of what does Hashem want from me at this moment, what is Hashem’s will right now, is not only an attitude that Avraham could live his life by, but the Ralbag is teaching us that you and I, everyone, has the ability to live every moment of one’s life with the attitude of what is Hashem’s will for me at this moment.
Through living by this attitude, it makes sense that at the right time one can have a brave heart, and at another right time have a soft heart, it is all for the same reason, what is Hashem’s will.
Lech Licha – Excommunicating Oneself
Along with taking many students with him to Eretz Canaan, Avraham also took his nephew Lot and pledged to take care of him after his father was thrown into the furnace by Nimrod and burned, with no miracle saving him.
In this week’s Torah portion of Lech Licha on the pasuk of, “And Avram took Sarai his wife and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions that they had acquired, and the souls they had acquired in Haran, and they went to go to the land of Canaan, and they came to the land of Canaan” (Breishis 12:5), the Ralbag learns that one should watch over the wellbeing of his relatives, just as he takes care of himself, for in this way a person will get the help needed from his family. We find this by Avraham, that Lot went wherever he went and whatever Avraham chose for himself, he chose for Lot as well. (Click Here for Hebrew text.)
And yet, after the incident with Pharaoh capturing Sarah when they went down to Egypt during the famine and Pharoah sent them off with great wealth and servant, including his daughter Hagar, to be a maidservant for Sarah, the Torah reports, “And Avram came up from Egypt, he and his wife and all that was his, and Lot with him, to the south. And Avram was very heavy with cattle, with silver, and with gold… And also, Lot, who went with Avram, had flocks and cattle and tents. And the land did not bear them to dwell together, for their possessions were many, and they could not dwell together. And there was a quarrel between the herdsmen of Avram’s cattle and between the herdsmen of Lot’s cattle, and the Canaanites and the Perizzites were then dwelling in the land. And Avram said to Lot, ‘Please let there be no quarrel between me and between you and between my herdsmen and between your herdsmen, for we are kinsmen. Is not all the land before you? Please part from me; if [you go] left, I will go right, and if [you go] right, I will go left’” (Breishis 3:1-9).
The Ralbag learns from here that it is beneficial to distance oneself from arguments and strife as much as possible, for in this way the collective family and country will stay intact. For we see by Avraham, though he tried with all his strength and efforts to keep Lot with him to guide him on the good path as much as possible, however in order so that one would be able to help the other in a time of need, Avraham chose to part ways from Lot in order to distance himself from strife.
Avraham, with all his dedication, love, and kindness – why couldn’t he figure out a way to compromise or resolve any issues that was brewing amongst him, Lot and their herdsman? Couldn’t he then keep everyone together so that he could be a continued positive influence upon them?
The medrish Pesiksa DiRav Kahana (3:3) paints a picture of why Avraham had no choice but to disassociate from Lot. “Why were [the shepherds of Lot and Avraham] quarreling with each other? Because when a person is righteous even his household like him are righteous as well as anyone who clings to him. And when a person is wicked his household like him are wicked.” Avraham Avinu’s shepherds muzzled their flock so that they wouldn’t eat from other people’s property and steal their grass. Lot’s shepherds let their flock graze unmuzzled anyplace in the land. They claimed that the whole land belonged to them anyways because Avraham’s inheritors were promised by Hashem to inherit the Land of Canaan and since Avraham had no children the land would be given to Lot, his closest inheritor. And the reason why you are muzzling your flock is in order so that Lot will inherit weak flock. Avraham’s shepherds contended that right now the land was not theirs, it belonged to the Canaanite nations and they had no right to steal their grass. Hashem in fact proclaimed that Avraham’s shepherds were right, that right now it’s stealing from the Canaanites.
The medrish goes on to record in the name of Rebbe Azaria, “just as there were arguments between the shepherds there were also arguments between Avraham and Lot as it says, ‘may there please not be quarreling between you and I etc.’ Disassociate yourself from me is not written here, rather ‘separate’ (הפרד) just as a mule(פרדה) can’t have children so to my offspring shall not mingle with your offspring.”
The Zera Ephraim, a commentary on this medrish by Rav Ephraim Zalman Margolis, points out that although Chaza”l say that a Jew may marry a female Moabite or Ammonite, who are from Lot, and in fact King David and therefore the line of Moshiach comes from Rus the Moabite, that is only permitted after they convert. This is because it’s as if they were reborn again a new person; but if they don’t convert, a Jew may not marry them since Avraham separated himself from Lot and his offspring. Parenthetically, what’s interesting to note is that if not for this incident a Jew might have been allowed to marry a Moabite or Ammonite because they are cousins to us, according to the Zera Ephraim. The reason why Moabite and Ammonite men may not marry a Jew even after conversion is because of an incident that happened in the desert.
The Zera Ephraim also observes that when Rebbe Azaria describes the fighting amongst the shepherds, as well as Avraham and Lot, he calls it a תחרות, which the Zera Ephraim says refers to the beginning of a fight between two loved ones, and therefore Avraham was afraid as time went on infighting would erupt between them. That is why Avraham pleaded ‘please will we not quarrel;’ meaning, in order that there would not be any fight between you and I, let us please separate etc. Chazal say that the word תחרות originates from a word that means heating up, meaning from the heat of anger comes fighting. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
It would seem from the Zera Ephraim that not even for an outlandish quarrel did Avraham abolish Lot from his presence, but rather for the beginning of a fight. Avraham must have had the proper inkling that this would just escalate into a full-blown fight, so he severed it at the roots. But why did Avraham not try to make amends? He had a positive influence on thousands of people, certainly his close relative who was like a son to him, he should have been able to get through to and settle whatever problems that had arisen. Didn’t the medrish itself say that when a person is a tzadik then his household and those that cling to him follow in his footsteps and are also righteous? Certainly Lot was part of Avraham’s household and clung to him like a son to a father?!
Perforce, we must say that Lot made an absolute decision to disassociate and disconnect from his uncle and his moral ways. In fact, the “Biur” on this medrish says that Lot was considered evil because he had a desire to be promiscuous, as what came to fruition in the end after Sodom was destroyed. Avraham senses Lot’s psychological disconnect, understood there was really no way to influence him in a positive manner, and knew he was better off severing ties with him completely in order to not escalate any fights and risk being tainted by the character trait of anger. If not for Lot deciding to sever ties with Avraham then Avraham would never have abandoned Lot, which led to Lot being captured and Avraham needing a miracle to save him and then Lot only being saved by the destruction of Sodom because of the merit of Avraham.
We see from here how destructive arguments can be and how important it is to avoid them at all costs, and even someone on the caliber of Avraham Avinu would not be able to get through and influence his own nephew, Lot, since he decided to disconnect from him (similar to a decision that Korach made to seperate himself from Moshe and the people, when he decided to pick a fight, see Chiddushei HaLev Bamidbar page 106, on parshas Korach 16:1, the second shmuz on “Vayikach Korach”.) That is why Avraham had to sever ties in order so that a major argument wouldn’t ensue and escalate.