There is a very strange dichotomy on how to approach lashon hara if heard and could be useful. The Chofetz Chaim says though it’s forbidden to accept lashon hara according to the Torah it is permitted or even obligatory to be cautious for what you heard in order to protect yourself or others from possible harm but at the same time you also must believe in your heart that this person is no different than any other Jew and has a chezkas kashrus, he an upstanding good Jew even though someone said something bad about him. This has major ramifications in halacha for example, if someone says that he saw someone eating non-kosher out of spite, meaning he had two steaks in front of him, for example, one kosher and one non-kosher and he put aside the kosher and ate the non-kosher one that shows he doesn’t care about Hashem’s mitzvos as opposed to someone who’s a glutton and just likes non-kosher food because it tastes good. Now if there were two witnesses that testified in court that this person sinned to spite Hashem not just because he liked eating non-kosher food and the court makes a decision and declared that this is Jew is outside of “your nation” then though he is a Jew still but there are certain laws that don’t pertain to him, for example if he lost an object you found you don’t have to return it to him, if he asks for tzedaka you don’t have to give him, or even if he is captured you do have to redeem him. But this status only applies if it was declared in court, but if you just hear someone tell this story and it was never taken to court then the person must still be treated as a normal Jew all halacha applying to him. This is true even if he is known to be on the fringe and was known to do other songs but not bad enough to be out of ” your nation” you still can’t believe the story and treat him differently though you could take note of any concerns and take precautions if you think this person can harm you or others.
Vayetzei – No Improvising
This Dvar Torah is dedicated by the Aryeh family in loving memory of:
אשה כשרה וחשובה חנה פייגא בת ר׳ נחום
Mrs. Feigie Aryeh
שחינכה וזירזה בניה על דרך התורה ,חסד,והיראה כל ימי חייה.
פיה פתחה בחכמה ותורת חסד על לשונה.
צופיה הליכות ביתה ולחם עצלות לא תאכל.
Towards the beginning of this week’s Torah portion of Vayetzei, after 14 years of learning in the Yeshiva of Shem V’Ever, Yaakov arrived in the outskirts of Haran, to find his uncle Lavan in hope of marrying one of his daughters. He arrived at the well where shepherds drew water for their flock and he inquired from the shepherds if they knew of Lavan. They answered affirmatively . “And he said to them, ‘[Are things going] well with him?’ And they said, ‘[Things are going] well, and behold, his daughter Rachel is coming with the sheep’” (Breishis 29:6).
The Sforno learns a lesson from Yaakov’s inquiry of how Lavan was doing. “For behold he put effort into finding out how Lavan is doing before he went to see him because it is improper for a guest to be demanding of his host if he is in the middle of a simcha, joyous occasion, or the opposite for some reason, [i.e. he’s dealing with a sad situation].” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Why did Yaakov feel he had to inquire from these shepherds, who the Sforno relates in the very next pasuk were not the most upstanding individuals, wouldn’t he potentially be setting them up to speak lashon hara, slander, about Lavan? Especially since he probably knew from his mother Rivka, and possibly his grandfather’s servant, Eliezer, that Lavan was a shady character. How can he set a stumbling block for them to potentially slander Lavan?
Furthermore, Yaakov was a very smart and intuitive person, he probably could have figured out on his own by walking into town and snooping around to find out how Lavan is doing and what he is up to. He is known for being subtle but sly for he was known as an Ish Tam, a quiet person who sat there and learned most of the time but was very acute, for he was able to pull off getting the blessings from his father Yitzchak, albeit with the help of Rivka, unbeknownst to him and Esav, as well as taking away the birthright from Esav. If so, he definitely had the brains and ability to figure out a situation and to improvise on how to handle any subtleties on the spot. If so, why then did he inquire of the Shepherds how Lavan is doing?
We see from here that when it comes to derech eretz, proper manners, one should not beat around the bush, and try to use back handed manners, even if they are potentially doable to figure out the proper mode of action. It is better to be straight forward and to the point, in order to be sure you are doing the proper thing. Of course, if something negative was said you cannot accept it as truth, rather just be cautious.
Yaakov was also a prominent nephew of Lavan who one would think Lavan would be overjoyed to welcome as a guest into his house no matter what the situation was at the time, on the contrary Yaakov could have enhanced or helped the situation whether it was presently good or bad. Yaakov was probably aware of that too but he still put in all the effort he can to first inquire about how Lavan is doing because it’s important to not take any chances rather just be straightforward, you don’t even need to many details, to be sure you are doing the right thing.
Torah Riddles Test #153
2. Question: Why does the Tur hold that Yochanan Ochel Challos did not have to divulge as part of his story that his father took him out of yeshiva?
Background:
A. Rebbe Yehuda HaNasi poskined that this person is a kohen based on the innocent story he gave of his childhood when he remembers his father carrying him on his shoulders and dipping him in the mikvah and then going to the threshing floor to collect teruma/tithes from the owners to eat in the evening, and hi friends would stay away from him and call me Yochanan Ochel Challos.
2. Tosfos holds that part of the story in Kesubos 56b was specifically that the father took him out of yeshiva and this was important so that it will rule out the possibility that he wasn’t a non-Jewish slave who can eat Teruma if his master is a kohen, but a non-Jewish slave cannot learn Torah so he wouldn’t be in Yeshiva. The Tur holds that the fact he was taken out of yeshiva was just part of the story but had no significance so he left it out.
C. Female non-slaves don’t get married so any children are out of wedlock and are automatically slaves to her master.
Answer: The Taz (Even HaEzer 2:1:1) says that we probably won’t know who the father is and even if we do the child should be with his master at all times so if he says his father carried him on his shoulders it must be the person talking is Jewish and according to his account that makes him a kohen.
Torah Riddles Test #152
1. Question: Why can a blind person say Kiddush Levana with others outside but a sick person stuck in bed cannot say Kiddush Levana if he only sees the shine from the moon through his window according to the Responsa Zera Emes (volume 3 chapter 43)?
Background:
A. If the sick person can see the moon itself from his window he can technically make Kiddush Levana because being outside is only better because it’s like going out to greet the king (Hashem) which shows more respect.
B. In the Mishna Berura (426:1) the Rema says one should not say Kiddush Levana unless it is night and he can benefit from the moon’s light. This means that this blessing is a blessing over getting satisfaction like by food, not a blessing over a mitzvah.
Answer: The blind person got as much benefit from the moon as he can get by the person next to him informing him that the moon is out but the sick person has the ability to get the full benefit of the moon he is just incapacitated at the moment so he cannot make the blessing if he does not actually get the full benefit of seeing the moon.
Toldos – Self-Pride
In this week’s Torah portion of Toldos, Yitzchak blessed Yaakov saying, “Behold, the fragrance of my son is like the fragrance of a field, which Hashem has blessed! And may HaElokim give you of the dew of the heavens and [of] the fatness of the earth and an abundance of grain and wine. Nations shall serve you and kingdoms shall bow down to you; you shall be a master over your brothers, and your mother’s sons shall bow down to you. Those who curse you shall be cursed, and those who bless you shall be blessed” (Breishis 27:27-29).
The Daas Zekeinim observes that the name, Elokim, used in pasuk 28, is the name used as the attribute of strict justice, meaning this blessing will only come to fruition when you are deserving of it. However when Yitzchak blessed Esav it writes, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above” (Breishis 27:39), implying whether he is deserving of it or not. We also find in King Shlomo’s prayer by the Jews he said, “and give to each man according to his ways” (Divrei Hayamim Beis 6:30), for they would not complain to You. Whereas by the gentiles, Shlomo prayed, “and You shall do whatever the stranger calls upon You etc.” (Divrei Hayamim Beis 6:33), for if Hashem doesn’t then the gentile will complain, and hurl accusations On High. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Yitzchak gave the blessings to Yaakov on the contingency that he is deserving to accept them. In a similar vein, King Shlomo in his prayer upon building the Beis HaMikdash, he started to organize the prayers for the Jews, as it is written, “Any prayer, any supplication, which will be (made) by any man, (or) by all Your people Israel, who shall know every man the plague of his own heart, and spread forth his hands toward this house. And You shall hear in heaven, Your dwelling place, and forgive, and do, and give to every man according to his ways, whose heart You know, for You, alone, know the hearts of all the children of men. That they may fear You all the days that they live in the land which You gave to our fathers. And also to the stranger, who (is) not of Your people Israel, but will come from a far country for the sake of Your Name. For they shall hear of Your great Name, and of Your mighty hand, and of Your outstretched arm, and he will come and pray toward this house. You shall hear in heaven, Your dwelling place, and do according to all that the stranger calls You for, that all peoples of the earth may know Your Name, to fear You, as (do) Your people Israel, and that they may know that Your Name is called upon this house that I have built” (Melachim Alef 8:38-43.)
Why is it that Yitzchak only blessed Esav with unconditional success and Shlomo prayed that whatever the Non-Jews pray for be granted in order so that they will not question and bear hard feelings towards Hashem which would cause a chilul Hashem? Isn’t it possible that the Jews will hurl the same complaints for their prayers not being answered or the blessing not coming to fruition even if they don’t deserve it? Why is it fair to differentiate, a blessing is a blessing and a prayer is a prayer, if they should be answered then answer them and if not then why make exceptions for the non-Jews ,isn’t it possible that a Jew might hurl insults and disputes if he does not get what he wants and expects? Aren’t we all human and feel disappointment when things aren’t going our way especially when we are told that it should? Why then does the Daas Zekeinim say that in fact a Jew would not quarrel or question Hashem if He doesn’t answer his prayers or fulfill the blessings if he isn’t deserving?
However, there is an oft quoted Mishna in Pirkay Avos that says, “Beloved is man for he was created in the image [of God]. Especially beloved is he for it was made known to him that he had been created in the image [of God], as it is said: ‘For in the image of God He made man’(Genesis 9:6).
Beloved are Israel in that they were called children to the All-Present. Especially beloved are they for it was made known to them that they are called children of the All-Present, as it is said: ‘You are children to the Lord your God’ (Deuteronomy 14:1).
Beloved are Israel in that a precious vessel was given to them. Especially beloved are they for it was made known to them that the desirable instrument, with which the world had been created, was given to them, as it is said: ‘For I give you good instruction; forsake not my teaching’ (Proverbs 4:2)” (Avos 3:14).
Though Hashem loves every single human being there is an extra, double-fold love He has to His beloved Children who He gave His precious gift the Torah to, why does that mean we shouldn’t have any disputes against Hashem if things aren’t going our way, our prayers aren’t answered and the blessings He promised seem not to be fulfilled?
This sense of Jewish greatness, described in the Mishna, not only shows we are more special than the rest of the world but it comes with it a demand for responsibility to be able to live up to our status of beloved princes and princess of the King of All Kings and to take care of and follow the gift He gave to us. If a Jew realizes and imbibes in him or herself the feeling of self-pride and the realization of who we are then we won’t have any questions or disputes against our Father in Heaven.
It’s a blessing to be expected to live up to the pedestal that the Jewish people were put on and it is inside each and every one of us the ability to appreciate that honorable status, realize the responsibility that comes with it, and actually live up to that responsibility.
CITE Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 6, halacha 9
The rule of thumb is anything which constitutes speaking lashon hara is also the sin of accepting lashon hara. There is no difference whether you are listening to someone talk about someone else’s misdeeds, or his family’s misdeeds whether it’s past or present or just name calling either way there is a prohibition of speaking and accepting lashon hara. However it is possible that a person who is listening to “lashon hara” will get a sin but the speaker won’t. This is in the situation where the speaker should speak up to try to help a situation but the listener is forbidden to decisively accept what he hears as truth until he does his own research and finds out himself, he just has to be concerned of the problem mentioned.
The Yad HaKetana (hilchos Deos 9:8) says that even if a person says something negative which is the truth it is still called a lie and a waste. Why is it a lie if it’s true? He says if there is no basis or purpose to what is said then granted it’s a waste but it’s even a lie since there is no purpose or even a negative purpose to say it. The Chofetz Chaim has another reason of why a true negative statement is a lie which is the effect of what you say could be a lie because if for example you speak negatively about someone’s family or what he did in the past but he’s a good guy and did teshuva now so Hashem loves him and he has a clean slate therefore it’s a lie to make people think otherwise.
Torah Riddles Test #151
2. Question: Why are you allowed to say Shalom to someone in an unclean area nowadays?
Background:
A. Shalom is one of G-d’s names and also means peace.
B. The Mishna Berura (84:1:6) says saying Shalom to a person before davening shouldn’t be done because Shalom is one of G-d’s names as it says “They called Hashem, Shalom”, so to it is forbidden to give Shalom to a friend in the alley way and other dirty places.
Answer: Nowadays a person’s intent when saying shalom aleichem is only to say “may be peace be upon you,” not “may Hashem be with you”.
Torah Riddles test #150
1. Question: Why doesn’t a marriage work if the man has in mind to divorce her soon after the marriage?
Background:
A. The Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 2:10) says a person shouldn’t marry a woman with the thought to divorce her but if you inform her in the beginning that he is going to marry her for only some set amount of time, it is permitted.
B. The Chochmas Shlomo says that definitely when you inform her and she agrees, there is no prohibition in the matter. But even if you don’t inform her she fully agrees to marrying you right now and you fully agree to marry her right now so why is it forbidden to marry her without her knowing you are going to divorce her?
Answer: If she would know your intent it is assumed she would never agree to get married so really aren’t married and the relations you have with her is illicit. (See also the Taz.)
Chaye Sarah- Freedom, Liberty and the Pursuit of Honesty
If you look up the word “freedom” in the Merriam-Webster dictionary or Dictionary.com you will find many definitions. The Cambridge Dictionary defines freedom as “the condition or right of being able or allowed to do, say, think etc. whatever you want to, without being controlled or limited.” Also, “a right to act in the way you think you should.”
However, the Torah has a much different approach to defining freedom, as seen in the Medrish Rabba of this week’s Torah portion of Chaye Sara. “Rebbe Yossi ben Rebbe Dosa said that Canaan was Eliezer and because he served this righteous person [Avraham Avinu] with integrity he escaped the fact that he was cursed and entered a state of being blessed, as it says, ‘came the blessed of Hashem.’ Rebbe Yaakov said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan of the House of Govrin when he parted from speaking a Torah lecture, ‘Just as Eliezer who served the righteous one with integrity left his accursed state and became blessed, Jews who do kindness with those greater and smaller than them all the more so’” (Breishis Rabba 60:7).
The Yefe Toar explains that the subjugation to gedolim (great people) is in itself freedom and liberty; indeed, the fact that Eliezer served Avraham with honesty and integrity caused him to be taken out of slavery, which is the curse, and into freedom, which is the blessing. So, if Jews do kindness with their hands, a referring to giving charity, and with their feet, which refers to running to do good, all the more so. This kal vachomer (fortiori) from the servant of Avraham is similar to one found in the first chapter of Brachos 5a, where we learn that suffering is an atonement. For just as a slave goes free if the master knocks out a limb, like an eye or a tooth, all the more so, suffering that effects the entire body will atone for all of one’s sins. And here we learn a kal vachomer (fortiori) from a slave that kindness and truth redeem a person from all sorts of suffering and distress. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The Maharz”u points out that one shouldn’t think it is too farfetched that Canaan, Cham’s son, be the servant of Avraham, though they were 8 generations apart, for Shem the son of Noach in fact lived 600 years until Yaakov was 50. Canaan who was cursed by his grandfather Noach chose to cling to Avraham at the end of his life which completely changed his life. With absolute dedication and honesty, he not only was Avraham’s right-hand man, but he imbibed all of Avraham’s teachings, and subjugated himself to the will of his master who was the greatest person of his generation. Because of his dedication and integrity Hashem transformed him into a blessed person and took off the curse that Noach gave him. This blessing the Yefe Toar refers to as freedom.
This freedom was not the right to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, whether good or bad. On the contrary, he was still in the service of Avraham Avinu all the way to the end. Rather, what set him free was his honesty and integrity towards the leader of the generation when doing his bidding. Why is that freedom?
The truth is that one’s performance in life, when done in an honest way without any deceit, is in fact genuine freedom. This is especially true when what you are doing is helping someone so great and close to Hashem as was Avraham Avinu. This is because the further away one distances himself from the façade of the physical world with all its trappings and lies, the closer he is to Hashem who is completely truth and is free to do whatever He wants. Certainly, by surrendering yourself to the will of a great spiritual leader in order to serve him and to learn his holy ways, a transformative effect will occur to bring you closer to Hashem. This was true to the extent that Canaan who was literally cursed with being subjugated by his brethren and their future generations broke out of the curse by honestly clinging and emulating Avraham Avinu, the closest person to Hashem in the generation.
We can learn a lesson here that if we act as free people by choosing to emulate Hashem with doing acts of kindness with the utmost of honesty and integrity to others whether greater or inferior than us then we will certainly be free from any suffering and iniquity.
The ability to emulate Hashem who is free to do whatever He wants is the real definition of freedom.
Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 6, halacha 8 with note
This halacha discusses the importance of judging favorably instead of accepting lashon hara especially towards the rabbis or those who are righteous and G-D fearing. The extent one should go to judge favorably a sage, rabbi or Jewish court is expressed in the example the note gave.
If a person storms out of Jewish court guilty as charged and goes over to his friend to tell him what happened and in the process of proving his innocence he lashes out at the court claiming they don’t know how to poskin and saying quite a bit of nasty words about them. Even though it sounds like he has a very good case of innocence the person listening still should try to calm down the guilty party and surely not accept anything that he says, for several reasons.
1. It is known, based on a Shach in hilchos Shechita, that baal habatim think differently than Torah sages. So, what they perceive to be logically true might not be what the Torah mandates in halacha.
2. The court can only judge what is presented in front of them and it is possible that a fact which is added, I now might not have been mentioned in litigation so the court poskined based on what they heard and there should not be any claims against them.
3. Even if the case was wrong there is a gemara in Brachos 7b that says there are times where it is decreed in Heaven that someone should lose a court case for whatever reason or maybe the other litigant has a better mazel as the Rosh says elsewhere. But the gemara in Sanhedrin 8a guarantees if there is a misjudgment the guilty party or loser will get the value of his loss somehow at some point.
4. If you see you can’t convince the guilty party to calm down at least you can’t believe what you hear and at the very least you should go over to the rabbis and question them what happened for either they will tell you their reasoning, share with you the sources from where they came up with their psak, or maybe they will realize they were wrong and they will change their psak, which in that case you fulfilled the mitzah of rebuking properly, as the Rambam (hilchos De’os 6:6) says that it’s better to fight out the issue in halacha then to bear ill will against them in your heart.
At the very least one has an obligation to look into the matter before deciding they are wrong and the more one judges others favorably Hashem judges them favorably