Author: Rabbi Milder

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Bo – Like the Commitment of a Servant to His Master

This week’s Torah portion of Bo takes us through the final 3 plagues and what led up to the exodus from Egypt. This includes the first Pesach and the laws that relate to Pesach and the seder.

The medrish Pesiksa Rabasi of Rav Kahana expounds on one of his interpretations of a pasuk found in Tehillim (119:62), “At midnight I arise to thank You for Your righteous ordinances.” “In another interpretation “Your righteous ordinances” refers to the ordinances (judgements) that You brought on the Egyptians in Egypt and the righteousness You did with our forefathers in Egypt. For they only had two mitzvos, the blood of the Pesach and the blood of bris milah, therefore it says in Yechezkel (16:7) – ‘And I passed over you and saw you wallowing in your blood and I said to you, through your blood you shall gain life, through your blood you shall gain life.’ This refers to the blood of the Pesach offering and the blood of bris milah.”

The Maharz”u on this medrish, quoting a Medrish Rabba in Rus, explains that they didn’t have any mitzvos in hand to be involved with so that they could be redeemed. Therefore, in order to be redeemed, Hashem gave them 2 mitzvos, which were the blood of the Pascal lamb and the blood of circumcision… (click here for Hebrew text.)

This pasuk in Yechezkel is mentioned every year in the Haggadah, “’And numerous,’ as it is said: ‘I caused you to thrive like the plants of the field, and you increased and grew… I passed over you and saw you wallowing in your bloods, and I said to you `By your blood you shall live,’ and I said to you `By your blood you shall live!’ (Yechezkel 16:6,7). The Ritva commenting on the Haggadah references a Mechilta which says in the name of Rebbe Masia ben Cheresh that Hashem was saying “And I passed over you and saw you” and behold the beloved time had come when Hashem had sworn to Avraham Avinu that He would redeem his children, but they did not have any mitzvos to be involved in so that they can be redeemed… so Hashem gave them two, the mitzvah of Pesach and the mitzvah of milah so that they can be involved in them in order to be redeemed… So to the Rambam wrote that circumcision took place in Egypt, as it says “Any uncircumcised cannot eat from it.” Moshe Rabbeinu circumcised every one of them except for the tribe of Levi for they kept bris milah as it says “And your bris they observed.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)

It would seem from the Maharz”u on the Pesiksa Rabasi and the Ritva on the Haggadah that a prerequisite to being redeemed was that the Jews had to be actively involved in performing mitzvos, which is why  Hashem gave them circumcision and the Pascal Lamb as commandments to fulfill. However, the Ritva himself mentioned that they were already performing mitzvos, earlier in the Haggada, on the line, “’And he became there a nation’ this teaches that Israel was distinctive there.” The Ritva says this was them dressing in a distinct way, differently than the Egyptians, by wearing tzitzis. In fact, the Yalkut Shimone (172) mentions other mitzvos they were careful to fulfill, such as distancing from promiscuity, not speaking lashon hara, and not changing their Hebrew names. Indeed, the gemara in Yoma 28b says that during their entire stay in Egypt there was always a yeshiva open, learning the teachings their forefathers had taught going back generation to generation from Avraham Avinu.  Furthermore, the Pirkei diRebbe Eliezer, end of chapter 48, said that for 3 things the Jewish people deserved to be redeemed from Egypt: for not changing their language from Biblical Hebrew, not speaking lashon hara, and for believing in the uniqueness of Hashem (Yichud Hashem). If this is the case, then what does it mean that Hashem had to give them 2 mitzvos in order to redeem them? Is there a contradiction here in the Ritva and are the midrashim arguing with each other?

Of course, there is no contradiction in the Ritva and it would seem that the midrashim don’t have to be arguing. It is one thing to be performing mitzvos because it is a nice thing to do, or even the proper thing to do, things that might even have been a tradition from one’s ancestors. This steady performance might be even the ultimate cause of redemption. However, they were not commanded to perform those mitzvos. Bris milah and the Korban Pesach were the first mitzvos that Hashem had commanded the Jewish people to perform. It would seem that only because they observed what they were commanded to do were they able to go through with the redemption. It would not have been possible to redeem them without their observance of what was commanded of them. In fact, it would seem from the Pesiksa Rabasi that ideally, they should have first received the Torah so that they could observe all of the mitzvos, but out of Hashem’s righteousness He took them out after observing only two commandments.

Observing something that you feel obligated to do is a whole different level than performing a mitzvah because you just feel like it, or because you are in the mood, or it makes sense to you, or you just like it. The reason being is because it shows commitment and true respect to Hashem that you are observing it because He commanded you to do it, whereas a person who fulfills mitzvos just because, and when he feels like it, shows that he is committed to himself and his desires, not to Hashem. Therefore it makes sense, as a cause and effect, that the only way the Jews could have been redeemed by Hashem out of Egypt and taken under His wing, is if they showed they were willing to commit themselves to Him and follow whatever He commanded them to do.

This seems to be a rule by redemption in general, not specific to the redemption from Egypt. In order for us to be able to be redeemed from our current exile we have to have a strong commitment towards not only believing in Hashem but towards observing his mitzvos, His commandments, that will be the means of actually being redeemed once we deserve it. This should bring a whole new meaning for ourselves when we recite the first paragraph of Shema and accept the Yoke of Heaven and then the second paragraph of Shema when we accept the Yoke of Mitzvos observance.

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 10 halacha 11


The victim of a crime, like if someone stole from him, cheated him, or even just cursed him out, embarrassed him etc. cannot tell others of what happened to him even If he tries meeting the 7 prerequisites discussed at the beginning of the chapter because there is no way he can tell anyone what happened purely for the sake of the truth to teach people the severity of the crime or to apply pressure to convince the perpetrator repent, he can’t honestly do this because he has personal interests. If people accept what he says he’ll feel justified to tell others and blaspheme the perpetrator and feel good about it since he did a crime against him. There is an exception to this rule that will be discussed in halacha 13.

The Chofetz Chaim feels a need to go into much detail to explain why personal interests are a reason not to speak out since many people make the excuse that they have the right to speak up against criminals who have wronged them personally. Quoting Rabbeinu Yonah he points out that a single witness is only allowed to testify in court if it will be productive, for example it will force the litigant to swear so that the truth will hopefully come out. But one who testifies about what happened to himself in court cannot force and oath because he is invalidated to be a witness for himself, if he testifies in court it is lashon hara and there is a separate sin for the judges to accept what he said, called “lo sisa shema shav” this prohibition will apply if he spoke to the judge before the court case about what happened, even what he says is true, and certainly if he just tells anyone else what happened to him it is lashon hara and anyone who accepts it even if it is true is accepting lashon hara which is forbidden. The only exception would be if a messenger of the court was sent to bring someone to court and he was cursed out and got a refusal to come to court, for example when Nadav and Avihu refused to show up before Moshe then the messenger of the court is allowed to tell them he was cursed out, as mentioned in Moed Katan 16a. The Ram”a in Shulchan Aruch in Choshen Mishpat 228:1 poskins that if someone insults you, you can insult him back halachically (though it is good character to stay silent) but that is only in private, that does not mean you can go reveal to others that someone insulted you.

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Vaera – It’s Hard to Overcome a Handicap


In the very beginning of this week’s Torah portion of Vaera, Moshe was instructed by Hashem to give encouragement to the Jewish people upon the upcoming redemption out of servitude and bondage and inheritance of the Land of Canaan. “God spoke to Moshe, and He said to him, ‘I am the Lord. I appeared to Avraham, to Yitzchak, and to Yaakov with [the name] Almighty God, but [with] My name YHWH, I did not become known to them. And also, I established My covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their sojournings in which they sojourned. And also, I heard the moans of the children of Israel, whom the Egyptians are holding in bondage, and I remembered My covenant.’ Therefore, say to the children of Israel, ‘I am the Lord, and I will take you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will save you from their labor, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments. And I will take you to Me as a people, and I will be a God to you, and you will know that I am the Lord your God, Who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you to the land, concerning which I raised My hand to give to Avraham, to Yitzchak, and to Yaakov, and I will give it to you as a heritage; I am the Lord’ ” (Shemos 6:2-8).

The next pasuk says that Moshe related what Hashem told him to the Jewish people, but they did not accept what he said. “Moshe spoke thus to the children of Israel, but they did not hearken to Moshe because of shortness of breath and because of [their] hard labor” (Shemos 6:9).
Why didn’t the Jewish people accept such encouraging words? The pasuk states two reasons: because of shortness of breath, which the Ralbag attributes to Moshe, as will be explained shortly, and because of their hard labor, which the Mesillas Yesharim in chapter 2 explains, “In truth, this is one of the cunning strategies of the evil inclination, to relentlessly burden people’s hearts with his service so as to leave them no room to reflect and consider which road they are taking. For he knows that if they were to put their ways to heart even the slightest bit, certainly they would immediately begin to feel regret for their deeds. The remorse would go and intensify within them until they would abandon the sin completely. This is similar to the wicked Pharaoh’s advice saying, “intensify the men’s labor…” (Ex. 5:9). His intention was to leave them no time whatsoever to oppose him or plot against him. He strove to confound their hearts of all reflection by means of the constant, incessant labor.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)

The Jewish people were working so hard that they did not have the time or brainpower to think about and digest what Moshe was telling them. However, the Ralbag adds that if not for Moshe’s “shortness of breath” then they would have accepted what Moshe had told them. What does this mean? The lesson the Ralbag learns from pasuk 9 is that when a person wants to express something to other people, he should formulate his words with the purpose of convincing the person of what he desires of them, using fine and flowery speech so that he will be pleasing to listen to. Without this, it is possible one will not get what he requests, even if it is something which would benefit them (the listeners). We see this from the fact that Hashem commanded Moshe to tell the Jews all that He told him, and most of it was for their own good. Indeed, it was convincing enough that they should have trusted his words, but still the Jews did not listen to Moshe because of the “shortness of breath” of Moshe that he didn’t put in the effort to place his words in an orderly and complete fashion so that they would sound pleasing and believable. (Click here for Hebrew text.)

The Ralbag, in his verse-by-verse commentary, adds that Moshe had spoken directly to the Jews without Aharon as intermediary as indicated in pasuk 6, “Therefore, say to the children of Israel.” Then Hashem told Moshe to speak to Pharaoh without Aharon as intermediary, “But Moshe spoke before the Lord, saying, ‘Behold, the children of Israel did not hearken to me. How then will Pharaoh hearken to me, seeing that I am of impeded lips?’” What Moshe meant by “impeded lips” was that his speech was closed, meaning that the gates of speech were closed in front of him like a person sentenced to be speechless. Therefore, in the next pasuk it writes, “So the Lord spoke to Moshe and to Aharon,” all that He commanded to say to the Jews and Pharaoh. The point being that Hashem spoke to Moshe to in turn speak to Aharon, and Aharon would be the intermediary for the messenger of Hashem to speak on his behalf. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
We must put into perspective what transpired. It is well known that Moshe had some form of verbal handicap, received when he burned his lips on hot coals at the age of 3 when Pharaoh tested him to see if he could be trusted in the palace (Shemos Rabba 1:26). From that day Moshe had a speech impediment. Moshe originally objected to accepting leadership over the Jewish people when he spoke to Hashem at the burning bush, with one of his excuses being that he had a speech impediment and Hashem told Moshe that Aharon would speak for him. Hashem evidently still insisted in the beginning that Moshe would speak to both the Jews and Pharaoh. Moshe tried with the Jews, it didn’t work, and before going to Pharaoh he told Hashem ‘I can’t do this,’ and Hashem acquiesced and brought Aharon in as an intermediary.

Obviously, Moshe had the potential to speak eloquently and get the message clearly across; if not, Hashem would not have wasted His time. So what went wrong? It is actually a bit shocking, if one thinks about it! Moshe had the playbook right in front of him. Hashem told him exactly what to tell the Jewish people. He was like a teleprompter of sorts for Moshe. Moshe of course had the care and desire to tell the Jewish people that they would be seeing salvation soon, don’t worry this terrible exile, servitude will end very soon, and you will be redeemed in exemplary fashion. He cared so much for his people and only wanted the best for them, so why couldn’t he muster up the ability to give over the message with all its flowery detail, excitement, and luster that would energize them to believe in and accept their exciting fate?

It would seem, on some level, though he believed completely in Hashem, accepted his leadership role, and was completely faithful and caring for the Jewish people, but because of the handicap he had, on some miniscule level it effected his confidence in formulating what he was supposed to say in an eloquent and orderly fashion to the degree that he felt hindered and speechless. That is why he told Hashem that he had “impeded lips” and in fact Moshe was “short of breath” when speaking to the Jews. Hashem gave Moshe the chance to overcome his handicap on his own, but Moshe felt he was not ready to, and without any qualms Hashem gave Aharon the job of being Moshe’s mouthpiece.

Still in all, Moshe Rabbeinu was the greatest leader of all time and the first Medrish Rabba at the beginning of Devarim says that through learning and teaching Torah his speech impediment was eventually healed. This is the power of Torah!

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 10 footnotes on halacha 10

When the Chofetz Chaim said that if a person consistently is transgressing a prohibition between man and G-d which is known to everyone to be against Jewish law and he is doing it on purpose this means it has become part of his way of life, not a sin that he’s done once or twice. If you only saw him do it once or twice then you have to assume maybe he repented but if this is something which is known as part of his lifestyle and he is purposely doing it and it6a sin which everyone knows is a problem, for example every Jew, even those non-observant know that shellfish, pig, and milk and meat together are against Jewish Law so if a person is known to go out to eat at McDonalds and order a bacon cheeseburger all the time you are allowed to speak out against him as long as you meet the 7 prerequisites and speak out in public in front of at least 3 people so that word will spread and no one will suspect him of flattery. One way a sin perpetrated against his fellow man like stealing or hurting someone is different than a sin between man and Hashem is that for the most part besides maybe stealing, if a person is bullying someone physically, emotionally, or monetarily he usually does it because he thinks the victim deserves it. Many times, he has excuses and justifications why he is doing what he is doing he is not outright sinning maliciously just to spite Hashem therefore the reason why you are allowed to speak out against him is for the sake of justice to protect the innocent and the victims and resolve the problems the perpetrator caused if he hasn’t already fixed the issues himself. The perpetrator is still considered “part of your nation” and all the mitzvos that apply to a fellow Jew still apply to him like “Love your neighbor as yourself ” or “Don’t hate your brother in your heart”. However, a person who is habitually transgressing a sin between man and Hashem on purpose which everyone knows is wrong like eating bacon cheeseburgers then he has left the fold and is not considered part of “your nation”. For this reason, one is allowed to speak lashon hara about home, insult him and does not even have a mitzvah to rebuke him since the Torah says by these three mitzvos that who you speak to must be considered part of “your nation”. If a person decides to purposefully leave the fold and not adhere to what everyone knows is wrong, then he does not have to be treated the same way as everyone else. By speaking out against and speaking down at him that might pressure him to repent. According to Jewish law you don’t even have to rebuke him directly because at this stage of the game he has the same status as a scoffed who you can assume does not listen to rebuke but it is still a mitzvah and a nice thing to do to try to engage him personally and convince him to change his ways and maybe you wouldn’t have to speak out against him to apply pressure, but there is no obligation to rebuke such a person.

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Shemos – Do You Really Care?

For Food for Thought in Spanish: Haga clic aquí para leer en español. Please share this with your Jewish Spanish speaking family, friends, and associates.

This Dvar Torah was gleaned from a shmuz I heard many years ago, at the turn of this century, from Rav Moshe Chait zt”l.
This week’s torah portion of Shemos, begins the second book of the Torah, describing the growth of Moshe Rabbeinu. “The child grew up, and she brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became like her son. She named him Moshe, and she said, ‘For I drew him from the water.’ Now it came to pass in those days that Moshe grew up and went out to his brothers and looked into their burdens, and he saw an Egyptian man striking a Hebrew man of his brothers” (Shemos 2:10, 11).

The Yalkut Shimone (167) observes that it says about Moshe in the pesukim that he “grew up,” twice. The first one referring to physical growth and the second is gadlus, spiritual growth, when he went out amongst his brothers.
The Ramban on pasuk 11 says on the words “and went out to his brothers” that they told him he is Jewish, so he had a yearning to see what was going on with his brothers.

What was the gadlus, greatness, in the second “growing up? He went out to his brothers, meaning he was concerned about others; that is true greatness!
What does caring about others imply? The Medrish Rabba wonders when the Torah says “he grew up” doesn’t everyone grow up? The medrish answers that Moshe Rabbeinu grew supernaturally. When he was 5 years old, he had the physical body of a 15-year-old. With his maturity he “looked into their burdens,” as the pasuk literally says. Shouldn’t it have said “he saw their burdens?” Rather what the Torah is teaching us is that Moshe Rabbeinu investigated into the matter to see what is going on and he cried. He wished he could do something for them because of all the hard work with the cement; he would therefore lend his shoulder to actually help every one of them.

Moshe Rabbeinu didn’t just stand by and say it’s a nebuch, it’s a shame, he actually got involved. The idea of caring isn’t just to feel for them or even to shed a tear, but to do something. The medrish continues and remarks that Hashem said, ‘You looked out for the Jewish People, I then will look upon you and will assign you as leader over them.’

The Alter miSlobodka, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel zt”l, said that a sigh after hearing bad news is worse because instead of that reaction, one could have reacted in another way, maybe to do something about it. If one has a personal problem and he doesn’t just sigh but does something about it, but when it comes to others, he just sighs, that shows the level or lack of maturity in a person.

Rav Mordechai Gifter zt”l, Rosh Yeshiva of Telz Cleveland, when learning with someone, if he heard a crum svara,  logic that did not sound right, he would get on his case and “start pelting him.” He said he did this in order to help the yeshiva guy because he couldn’t handle just standing by when the student would be making such a mistake. This shows how much he cared!

Rav Dovid Leibowitz zt”l, (one of the prime students of the Alter miSlobodka, founder of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, and rebbe to Rav Moshe Chait zt”l), when he heard that one of his student’s father was bleeding ulcers he ran to the bima and started saying Tehillim. He was flowing with tears and put his whole being, and all his kishkes into his prayers. These are examples of greatness in caring for others!

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim Chapter 10 halachos 9, 10

Last week we had said that if a person is speaking out against someone who hurt someone else, assuming he meets the 7 prerequisites he still can only speak out in a group of at least 3 so word will go out and he does not look like he’s trying to flatter the sinner, unless he is afraid of repercussions. Today the Chofetz Chaim said that if a person is known to be someone who doesn’t care what anyone else says and is known to be always honest then he can speak out against the perpetrator even in private, once the perpetrator is willing to listen to rebuke because everyone knows he’s telling the truth and not flattering the sinner.

There is a difference between a person who you should not rebuke beforehand if you know he will go on the defensive and not even give into pressure from others in the future, and if a person is known to always be stubborn and will never listen to anyone then it is still worth it to rebuke him first before spreading the word of his evil ways because maybe he’ll have a change of heart this time.

We’ll see in more detail next week that the same applies to one who transgressed a sin between man and Hashem, but besides meeting the 7 prerequisites there is 3 other criteria needed to speak out against him. 1. He is constantly committing this sin. 2. He is doing it on purpose. 3. It’s the type of sin everyone knows is forbidden.

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Vayechi – Putting Your Mind to Going Against the Norm

For Food for Thought in Spanish: Haga clic aquí para leer en español. Please share this with your Jewish Spanish speaking family, friends, and associates.

This dvar Torah is dedicated in memory of Harav Avraham ben Tzvi Mordechai Kanarek zt”l on his first yahretzeit, this Shabbos, the 14th of Teves. May it be a zechus for his holy neshama.


This week’s Torah portion of Vayechi is the concluding portion of the Book of Breishis. Yaakov blesses all his children, including 2 of his grandchildren from Yosef, Ephraim and Menashe. Though Menashe was older, Yaakov switched his hands for his stronger hand to be on Ephraim as the Torah records:

13. And Yoseph took them both, Ephraim at his right, from Israel’s left, and Manasseh at his left, from Israel’s right, and he brought [them] near to him. יג:וַיִּקַּ֣ח יוֹסֵף֘ אֶת־שְׁנֵיהֶם֒ אֶת־אֶפְרַ֤יִם בִּֽימִינוֹ֙ מִשְּׂמֹ֣אל יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל וְאֶת־מְנַשֶּׁ֥ה בִשְׂמֹאל֖וֹ מִימִ֣ין יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל וַיַּגֵּ֖שׁ אֵלָֽיו:
14.But Israel stretched out his right hand and placed [it] on Ephraim’s head, although he was the younger, and his left hand [he placed] on Manasseh’s head. He guided his hands deliberately, for Manasseh was the firstborn. ידו:ַיִּשְׁלַח֩ יִשְׂרָאֵ֨ל אֶת־יְמִינ֜וֹ וַיָּ֨שֶׁת עַל־רֹ֤אשׁ אֶפְרַ֨יִם֙ וְה֣וּא הַצָּעִ֔יר וְאֶת־שְׂמֹאל֖וֹ עַל־רֹ֣אשׁ מְנַשֶּׁ֑ה שִׂכֵּל֙ אֶת־יָדָ֔יו כִּ֥י מְנַשֶּׁ֖ה הַבְּכֽוֹר:

The word used at the end of pasuk 14 discussing switching his hand is   שִׂכֵּל   which is in the past active, forceful tense ((פיעל, literally meaning he put his mind into it. The Radak explains that Yaakov, “put his mind into his hands, as if they did what they did [i.e., the switch] with a mind and with wisdom. For Menashe was the firstborn, and [Yaakov] saw through prophesy that he would be smaller in blessing. This is [using] the mind, for if he would have his right hand on the head of Menashe, what mindfulness would that have been because that is just the way of the world?!” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The right side is known in halacha and kabbala to be stronger and more important, therefore it makes sense to be placed on the one getting the main blessing, which would normally be the firstborn, in this case Menashe. However, Yaakov saw through prophesy that Ephraim deserved the bigger or stronger force of a blessing, as, for example Yehoshua Bin Nun and other leaders of the Jewish people throughout history came from Ephraim (see Radak on pasuk 19.)

Therefore, he switched his hands to put the right, stronger hand on Ephraim.
Now when the Radak explains why the Torah says this took a bit of wisdom and intelligence to do it is because it doesn’t take too much intelligence to do things in the way of the world, meaning what is normal, meaning it would have been normal to put his right hand on Yosef’s firstborn son, Menashe, but it sounds like it took some effort or an intellectual decision to go against the norm and figure out what must be done which was to switch his hands.

But what seems to be the big deal? What was the challenge Yaakov had to overcome which needed him to actively put his mind (with force) into making the decision that he made? Shouldn’t it have been obvious and simple to Yaakov that he was supposed to switch his hands? He saw  through prophecy that Menashe deserved the smaller blessing, which there is no truer or clearer communication of Hashem’s word; that should have made him arrive at this decision. This also wasn’t the first time that he did something which seemed to have been out of the norm. He himself received the main blessing from his father, Yitzchak, by tricking his firstborn brother Esav. He also had used stealth and trickery to deal with his father-in-law Lavan; so why would this be a hard decision, which needed such detail as putting his mind to it in order to make the right choice? Obviously, the right decision should be made, and figuring out how to apply the prophecy should have been easy to figure out, especially  for Yaakov Avinu who had such a high level of emuna and bitachon in Hashem, as well as such a close relationship with Him that it should have been simple to make a decision like this one to switch his hands if prophesy indicates he should do so!

However, it would seem based on this Radak that on some minutely slight level even Yaakov Avinu could be affected by what’s considered normal and it was a challenge for him to figure out how to do the right thing. And only because he put his mind to it and made an intellectual decision to switch his hand was he able to do so.

We see from here how hard it is to go against what is considered normal, for example societal norms, even when they are antithetical to what is right. However, we also see that there is a tool that can be used to fix the issue, which is wisdom; using our heads to overcome what people say is normal but is in reality  the wrong choice.  It is only by using our heads can we choose to make right decisions and to follow the proper way of life.

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 10 halachos 7, 8

 In a situation where one should not rebuke the person who speaks lashon hara about others because you don’t think they will listen to you, and in fact it might be better if you say nothing because if you would say something and they don’t listen to rebuke then they will lift up their defenses and might never change even if others will come later and rebuke him. At least if you tell others without rebuking him first, they might be able to get through to him at some point and he’ll understand and change his ways. However, when you meet all the prerequisites, and you weren’t able to rebuke him then you can only spread the word in most circumstances if you say it in front of at 3 people. This is for two reasons:

1. So you don’t look like you are flattering him by only warning others about his lashon hara in private but saying nothing about his bad ways in public.

2. So people won’t think you are lying since you are willing to say it in front of a group which will most likely lead to him hearing about what you said about him.

 So since you have the audacity to speak out about this lashon hara speaker in public saying how bad he is and you should not accept a word of what he says then you have more credibility. The one exception when one can tell 1 or 2 people at a time is if you are afraid of dangerous repercussions if the lashon hara speaker finds out you are talking about him. Them Chazal says you are allowed to flatter bad people in order to save your neck and if people know you are being secretive because you a red afraid of violent repercussions then they will still take what you say into consideration and not think you are lying. However, this does not mean those listening to the person speaking out against the perpetrator are allowed to accept as truth what was said even if it is permissible to say it. They can only listen, be concerned, take proper precautions, and investigate more into the matter to see if it is really true or not. This is because it possible a fact was left out or added into the story which might change everything so one can never believe indefectibly what others says even if willing to be said in public unless he questions and proves himself to be sure it is true.

 This is very important in today’s day and age where there is so much news being thrown out in public through the media and other sources which sound true and is broadcasted to millions of people but many times we find there is a fact or something missing or added to the story that changes everything so it’s important for is to have the attitude to not believe anything decisively without looking into the matter ourselves. Again, proper precautions are permitted but assuming what was heard is absolutely the truth and making judgments is not permitted until proven to be in fact true.

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Vayigash – Trying Harder


In this week’s Torah portion of Vayigash, Yosef ensured that his father and family were safely brought down to Egypt in order to take proper care of them. Thus making certain the next step in the destiny of the Jewish people, promised to Avraham, would be fulfilled.

Yet, the medrish, Pirkei diRebbe Eliezer (perek 39) relates, “Rebbe Yishmael says, ten times did the sons of Yaakov say to Yosef ‘Our father, your servant,’ and Yosef heard these words and was quiet, and being quiet is like acquiescing, therefore his life was shortened by ten years.” The Bayis Hagadol explains that because the reward for honoring one’s parents is long life, therefore, G-D forbid, the punishment for disrespect is a shortened life. The medrish continues, “Yosef heard that his father came to the border of Egypt, and he took all the people with him to greet his father. A whole nation usually comes out to greet the king, but the king does not go out to greet any person, but you learn from here that one’s father is like a king.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
If one analyzes what happened here, it is quite mystifying why Yosef was punished by having ten years subtracted from his life, he should have lived to 120 and instead he lived to 110  even if at first glance it seems to be measure for measure. First off, the Bayis Hagadol points out that only five times does it mention in the Torah that Yosef’s brothers said to Yosef, ‘Our father, your servant,’  once at the end of parshas Miketz (43:28), and four times in the beginning of parshas Vayigash (44: 24, 27, 30, & 31), but because there was an interpreter between them who repeated what they said to Yosef it was considered ten times. So really, he heard his brothers call their father ‘your master’ five times but it was just quoted over again to Yosef because he had to pretend he did not understand what they were saying so that they wouldn’t figure out who he was. Yosef was not ready to reveal himself to his brothers and he wanted to make sure to reveal himself at the proper time so that all his plans would work out smoothly, to be able to properly take care of his father and show him the respect that he was due. So Yosef had to stay silent even though it looked like he was agreeing that his father was his servant, which looked like a sign of disrespect, but no one knew who he was and he was in fact being quiet out of respect for his father since this was all part of the plan to safely reacquaint himself with his father and resettle him in Egypt. Furthermore, he really only heard his brothers talk that way five times and the interpreter, Yosef’s son, who was only acting, was really just a puppet; so what did Yosef do wrong and why was he so severely punished for disrespecting his father? He didn’t actively do anything and his intent, on the contrary, was to prepare for showing tremendous respect to his father which in fact Rebbe Yishmael goes on to show that he did beginning with when Yaakov first came to Egypt. Yosef, the leader of the country, came to greet him, forgoing his position and treating Yaakov like a king because he was his father. Then he sustained and took care of his father and family for the rest of his life; what greater respect is there? So what did Yosef do to deserve a punishment of  his life cut short by ten years?

We must say that Yosef’s intent was to show respect for his father, and in fact he did actively show tremendous respect for his father, and he was concerned about the status and welfare of his father the entire time, and at the time of listening to his brothers and the interpreter his motives were also respect for his father.  However, his lack of action and silence in the face of such a comment as ‘Our father, your servant,’ although he was not ready to reveal himself to his brother, was taken “in the eyes” of Hashem as a disrespect to his father because it must be if he would have really been vigilant at honoring his father he would have found a way to not allow them to talk in such a manner. He could have changed the subject or walked out, as he did when he felt he had to cry a couple of times in last week’s Torah portion, or some other way, whatever way would work. Since he didn’t take that initiative, even  though his disrespect was as passive as it was, on his level, according to what was expected of a Yosef Hatzadik, it was a lack of honor to his father deserving of punishment measure for measure.

We learn from here how careful we must be to measure our actions and even inactions, for even if we might seem to mean well, we still might not be living up to our fullest potential and what is expected of us.

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 10 halacha 6

If you know you can help a victim or potential victim from lashon hara spoken against him then you can inform others who can help before informing the one spoken about. For example, if someone confides in you that a certain person he dislikes, and he has nasty words about him and says he wants to harm the person. You know he is being serious and not exaggerating, then you are allowed to tell others if they can help to avoid or prevent a nasty situation from escalating and you can certainly tell the potential victim so that he may take proper precautions to stay away and protect himself. Of course, one is only allowed to speak out about this lashon hara speaker if one meets the 7 prerequisite rules:

1. You heard the lashon hara directly or have clear evidence it was said.

2. You make sure halachically what you heard was lashon hara.

3. You don’t exaggerate what you heard.

4. You have positive intent to only help or fix the situation. You do not speak out of hatred for the perpetrator.

 5. You should try to rebuke the guy who spoke lashon hara but if you see he will not listen to you it is better to not say anything because if you confront him he might either continue to say even more bad things about the person he was talking about just like the gemara in Erichin 16a says you should not overly praise someone because it will lead to lashon hara, or worse he might go on the defensive and rationalize that what he said is correct and go on to tell other people and convince others of his lashon hara. In that case it is better to warn other of the impending lashon hara this person speaks and tell them not to listen. First impressions count a lot it is harder to convince a person what they heard is lashon hara and false then to warn them beforehand to not listen or accept whatever lashon hara someone will eventually tell them. In a similar vein we find that the prophet Nasan told King David of Adoniyahu’s rebellion to usurp the throne after King David dies instead of it going to Shlomo. The prophet, Nasan saw that Adoniyahu would not heed any warnings of not trying to attempt a rebellion so he went straight to King David before matters can escalate.

 6. Make sure not to cause punishment worse than what the lashon hara speaker deserves.

7. If there is any way to diffuse the situation and let the lashon hara just disappear without any harm done, with telling anyone else about it then better to keep your mouth shut and take care of the situation then to say something to others. If by telling others about the lashon hara someone spoke of someone else will stop the lashon hara from spreading then you will stop unneeded embarrassment to be worse for the victim and can potentially lesson the gehenom for the perpetrator because he will see no one is listening to him and he will stop spreading the lashon hara, besides the fact that you will be fulfilling a positive mitzvah of rebuke if the perpetrator breaks under pressure and decides to repent and not advance his lashon hara.