This Dvar Torah is dedicated in memory of Binah Kasirer a”h, Binah bas Shlomo, may her neshama have an aliyah and may her family be comforted amongst the mourners of Zion.
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The Ramban in this week’s Torah portion of Toldos (27:4) relates that Rivka knew through prophecy (See Breishis 25:23) when Hashem told her, “The elder shall serve the younger” that part of it meant that the younger, Yaakov, would be receiving the blessings over the older, Eisav. She didn’t tell this prophesy to Yitzchak, her husband, for three possible reasons, enumerated in the Ramban there. (Click here and here for Hebrew texts.)
When Rivka called Yaakov over to tell him the plan of how he would be disguised as Eisav to receive the blessings, the Torah records, “Now Rivka was listening as Yitzchak spoke to Eisav his son; and Eisav went to the field to hunt game to bring. But Rivka had said to Yaakov her son, saying, ‘Behold I heard your father speaking to you brother Eisav saying, bring me some game and make delicacies to eat and I will bless you in the presence of Hashem before my death'” (Breishis 27:5-7). The Ramban points out there that Yitzchak in fact did not tell Eisav that when he would give the blessings it would be ‘in the presence of Hashem.’ But the Ramban says that Rivka told Yaakov that she knew the blessings would be given by Yitzchak with Divine Inspiration, Ruach Hakodesh. Yaakov followed all the instructions his mother gave him and he successfully received the blessings as was Divinely intended.
Yet at the end of the parsha it states, “When Rivka was told of the words of her older son, Esav, she sent and summoned Yaakov her younger son and said to him, ‘Behold, your brother Esav is consoling himself regarding you to kill you.'” (Breishis 27:42). The Ramban explains the reason why Rivka had to, “‘send word and summon Yaakov’ is that Yaakov was in a different place, not in the tent of his father and mother because he was hiding from Eisav his brother who was screaming at him. And Yaakov was either embarrassed from him or afraid.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
It makes sense that Yaakov might have been afraid and gone into hiding because, although undoubtedly he was a tremendous baal bitachon, whole heartedly trusted in Hashem; but one can’t rely on miracles and make oneself a target in the open. However, why would he go into hiding out of embarrassment? He did the right thing and the pasuk in Mishley (1:8) says, “Hear my child the discipline of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.” The Ibn Ezra there says that the wise mother teaches her son how to go on the straight path. The Metzudas Dovid says you should listen to the teachings of your mother. And the Peirush HaRid says that your mother or father would only teach you good, to learn and strengthen yourself in fear of Hashem and fulfilling his mitzvos. If this is the case, then Yaakov, one of the patriarchs, surely was fulfilling a mitzvah of kibud eim, respecting his mother, Rivka, one of the matriarchs, by listening to her instructions so he should not have been embarrassed for the deeds he partook in! So why would he hide out of embarrassment?
However, the Ramban says that Yaakov hid because he was screamed at by Eisav, who was complaining bitterly about him. We see from here that it is totally natural for a person, even Yaakov Avinu, at whatever level of embarrassment it was, to feel embarrassed after being yelled at. It’s only human nature, and being screamed at affected him to such a degree that he felt he had to go into hiding out of embarrassment.
We have to be very careful and sensitive to this fact, that when we get angry or frustrated and want to scream at the person who has angered or frustrated us, realize it will most likely embarrass that person. Is that worth it, or do we want to have on our head the fact that we made this person feel so bad? This might even be a trick to calming one’s anger and frustrations.