Lech Lecha – Shalom Bayis: Household Harmony
In this week’s Torah portion of Lech Lecha, after ten years of living in the Land of Israel at the age of 76, Sarah feels she doesn’t have the merit to raise a family with Avraham, who was promised by Hashem to have offspring, and gives her Egyptian maidservant, Hagar, to Avraham as a wife. Hagar becomes pregnant and the Torah says “Her mistress [Sarah] was lowered in her esteem. So Sarai said to Abram, ‘The outrage against me is due to you! It was I who gave my maidservant to you [as a wife], and now that she sees that she has conceived, I became lowered in her esteem. Let Hashem judge between me and you!’ Abram said to Sarai, ‘Behold your maidservant is in your hand; do as you see fit.’ And Sarai dealt harshly with her, so she fled from her” (Breishis 16:4-6).
The Ralbag says that Sarah had the purest intentions. Hagar was not treating her master as a servant should treat a master so Sarah wanted to rebuke her for acting out of place. But she first asked her husband, Avraham, permission before doing so and Avraham acquiesced. At first Hagar did not accept the harsh rebuke and she fled from Avraham’s household.
The Ralbag learns from Sarah that “it is not befitting for a wife to take action without the will of her husband, for in this way it will complete the fix up of the home, [yushlam tikkun habayis]. For we see that Sarah did not want to rebuke her maidservant without her husband, Avraham’s permission.” (Click here for Hebrew text, Toeles 3)
The Ralbag learns from Avraham that “it is befitting for a person to leave his place for the sake of peace in the house [shalom bayis]. For we see that Avraham allowed Sarah to do to her maidservant what she felt was proper in her eyes even though she [Hagar] conceived through him and Avraham did not have any other children, but he still did this in order to appease his wife, Sarah.” (Click here for Hebrew text, Toeles 4)
At first glance one might ask that Sarah is being manipulative upon her request because of course she knows that Avraham wants to do the right thing and views shalom bayis as something very important in a marriage so of course he would accept her request so how does this creates true synthesis in the home? Sarah is potentially risking the life of Avraham’s child and second wife who she gave to him. Avraham feels forced to comply because he understands human sensitivities and does not want to create any friction between husband and wife. Sarah was his main wife for many, many years and still was!
However what we learn from here is that true synergy in the home is the mutual respect one has for one another. The very act of Sarah asking permission from Avraham knowing he would agree, and Avraham agreeing because he knows how important shalom bayis is, is what shows the ultimate respect for one another and creates that harmony and trust between husband and wife in order to create the perfect home.
Noach – The Joke Is On Them
However the Rabbeinu Bachye is not finished: “And perhaps it is appropriate to ask here that since this matter was a miracle why did [Noach] have to build an ark with this exact material and measurements with three floors? Hashem could have saved them without an ark. They could have walked on water or flown through the air because Hashem can do anything and nothing could stop Him!” (Parenthetically we do see such a precedent, many generations later, when Hashem sent the plagues on Egypt; for example, a Jew could be drinking water out of a cup and an Egyptian drinking out of the same cup of water would swallow blood. Or during the plague of darkness a Jew could be walking in light, while the same location was in darkness for an Egyptian.)
The Rabbeinu Bachye has two answers to this question. The first answer is: “the way of the Torah is to command man to do all he can possibly do within natural means and whatever is missing, Hashem will miraculously fill in the gaps.”
The second answer, which calls for more scrutiny, is: “Our Rabbis of blessed memory have taught us that through the making of the ark, which [Noach] was consistently working on day in and day out with its length and breadth people will see what he is doing and talk about it over and over again and it will arouse them to repent from there evil ways. If they don’t repent then they are definitely wicked and of little faith deserving of Hashem’s exact strict judgement upon them.” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
However, we see from here a very important lesson in communication, and a very ingenious psychological tactic, which is that when people start talking to each other, different perspectives and outlooks start to pop up. It makes no difference if they begin making fun of the situation; as long as they continue talking about it, they will start questioning in their mind whether their preconceive notions are really true and whether they might possibly come to a different conclusion. Of course, everyone has free choice and could choose to ignore the truth. However the potential is there to now arrive at the truth, since due to the fact that everyone is talking about the subject at hand, new ideas are able to be thought of and presented, and, slowly but surely, the truth has the ability come out.
That is why it was worth it to spend all that time and energy building an ark, and why the generation of Noach was held accountable for being of such little faith. They had the potential to arrive at the truth but they chose instead to remain steadfast in their ways and to ignore all the warning signals buzzing in their ears and in front of their faces.
Taking advice from others, bouncing an idea off someone else, or just talking things out can make a great amount of difference in one’s perspective, ultimately impacting the whole entire world.
Breishis – “The Undeniable Truth”
The Rosh seems to be bothered by the fact that the Torah uses a similar language when G-D created Adam in Chapter 1, verse 26: “And G-D said, ‘we shall make man in our image like us…’” The Rosh there explains “in our image” to mean in an image which is unique to him by us. This is referring to the image on “Hashem’s Holy Throne,” a face of a man which is shown to a person at the time of prophecy. “Like us” is referring to the fact that man is slightly similar to the celestial beings, i.e. angels, to be able to differentiate between good and bad…” (Click here for Hebrew text.)
The Rosh then explains why Kayin and his descendants did not reach the levels of “made in his image and likeness;” even though they too stemmed from Adam, it is because “they said, ‘we shall remove ourselves from G-D.’” It seems from this statement that they knew the undeniable truth. There were walking, breathing, upstanding individuals who glowed with purity and righteousness, but the majority of people in the world, for whatever reason, chose to not walk in the ways of Hashem and do His will. Yet they could not just deny the truth and what was moral; they had to verbally tell themselves that they wanted to remove themselves from G-D. That was the only way they could become so evil. It was not out of ignorance, or laziness, or just an unwillingness to acknowledge the difference between right and wrong. They had to actively remove themselves from what was clearly right by telling themselves to move away. Only then were they able to digress into such a rut that Hashem reneged on His creation and essentially started all over again with Noah and his family.
It is possible for a person to know and understand the undeniable truth but still do the wrong thing. But in order to do so, the individual would need to actively remove him or herself from the correct path, for whatever personal reason, in order to totally stray.
VEZOS HABROCHAH – “The Blessings of Unity and Peace”
Written by Rabbi Dovid Vinitsky shlit”a in Sefer Darchei Shalom
וזאת הברכה
In Parshas Vezos Habrochah, the Torah tells us that when there is peace between Bnei Yisroel, then the Holy Presence of Hashem will rest on them. The Torah writes, וַיְהִי בִישֻׁרוּן מֶלֶךְ בְּהִתְאַסֵּף רָאשֵׁי עָם יַחַד שִׁבְטֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל “There was a King in Yeshurun at the gathering of the counting, the tribes of Yisroel in unity” (Devorim 33:5).
Rashi explains that when Bnei Yisroel gather together in a single unit and sholom (peace) exists amongst them – then Hashem is their King in the fullest sense. However, this is not true when there is arguing among them (Devorim 33:5 and Rashi). The Sefer Ma’alos Hamiddos further explains that Hashem’s Kingdom and the Shechinah (Holy Presence of Hashem) will be fully established among the people when there is unity.
The Sefer Ma’ alos Hamiddos mentions several examples that show the benefits and rewards of maintaining peace and despising arguments. First, the Midrash (Rabbah Bereishis 38:6) relates that the Rabbis, of blessed memory, praise the greatness of peace. Even if, Heaven forbid, Bnei Yisroel worship idols, as long as there exists sholom between them, Hashem will not punish them right away. (Strict justice, immediate punishment, will not be used against them.) A second benefit is that Bnei Yisroel’s crops will be blessed.
In addition, the Sefer Ma’ alos Hamiddos encourages us to be extremely careful in the middah (character trait) of sholom. We should love peace and pursue it. The rewards have no bounds. Hashem will instill in us ahavah (love), achavah (brotherhood), sholom and reius (companionship) (Sefer Ma’alos Hamiddos: Ma’alas Hasholom, pages 324-425 Eshkol Edition).
From Rashi and Sefer Ma’alos Hamiddos, we learn about some of the great rewards of maintaining unity and sholom. The Shechinah will be fully established among Bnei Yisroel. Strict justice will not be used against us. The crops will be blessed. We will be blessed with ahavah, achavah, sholom and reius. Therefore, we should always realize the importance of maintaining sholom and try our hardest to love peace and pursue it.
How can we further develop sholom between people? We all know that it is not easy to love peace and pursue it! This is especially true during those times when the behavior of certain individuals bothers us. We can easily get upset and may even want to take revenge! What method can we use to help ourselves overcome such upsetting feelings and maintain sholom?
The Sefer Shmiras Haloshon gives us an insight to help us maintain unity and develop peace. His explanation is based on the Talmud Yerushalmi (Nedarim 9:4) that is brought by the S’mag (Mitzvas Asai 9). All Bnei Yisroel are really one unit. All together, we make up one common soul. Therefore, each member of Bnei Yisroel should treat everyone as a part of himself or herself.
Furthermore, the Sefer Shmiras Haloshon explains the thought with a parable. Imagine that a man is walking along a road and one of his feet trips over the other. He falls to the ground and bruises his body, including the foot that caused the fall. The man would not think of taking revenge on his foot and refusing to heal its wounds! In addition, he would not have any hatred or ill will toward that foot. To whom does the foot belong? To whom do the face and body belong? All the parts together make up one unit even though the body is divided into different limbs. Rather than blame his foot, the man might consider that his own sins caused him to fall.
Similarly, if a friend refuses to do a favor or perhaps causes pain or shame to another, one should not seek revenge or bear a grudge against him. In truth, who is his friend? Who is he himself? They both come from the same source ….
Another proof that Bnei Yisroel are one entity is found in the Torah, “All the souls of the house of Yaakov who came to Egypt, seventy” (Bereishis 46:27). The Hebrew word for souls is נְפָשׁוֹת. Yet, in this posuk (verse), the singular form, נֶפֶשׁ is used. This teaches us that in Heaven, the souls of Bnei Yisroel are like one. While each soul is part of one whole entity, each soul is nevertheless distinct and unique. This can be understood in the comparison to a person whose body is a single unit comprised of many individual parts, each with its own distinct and unique function. Some parts are primary, such as the head and heart. Other parts are less important, for instance, the hands and feet. Nevertheless, the different body parts together form one person.
In addition, all the souls of Bnei Yisroel will eventually be gathered into one source, beneath the Heavenly Throne. It is written, “And the soul of my master shall be bound in the bond of life … ” (I Shmuel 25:29).
It is only in this world that one sees himself as a separate person and not related to another Jew. Since he sees that each soul is clothed in its own physical body and is involved in its own personal matters, he makes this mistake. In truth, it is not so. [All of Bnei Yisroel are united. They are one in a very real sense – one large soul. Rather than blaming another Jew for his problems, one might reflect upon his deeds. He should view his sins as the cause of the mishap.] (Sefer Shmiras Haloshon: Shaar Hatevunah, Chapter 6)
The Sefer Shmiras Haloshon is teaching us an important lesson – how not to become upset by someone else’s poor behavior. We should stop and remind ourselves that everyone -all of Bnei Yisroel- is one big soul. “We are all really one!” Everyone only appears to be separate. How can we think of hurting ourselves? By focusing on this point, we may not become or feel insulted. Also, we may realize that our sins caused the offense.
Indeed, by realizing the rewards of sholom and focusing on the fact that “We are all really one,” we will improve our middah of shalom. We will be able to remain in harmony with others.
Let us hope and pray that we will receive the benefits of sholom and that the Shechinah will rest in our midst.
Focus: We are really one –
The rewards of sholom are great!
Haazinu -The Awesome Depth of The Almighty’s Judgement
The Sforno says that Hashem wanted Moshe to see the Land of Canaan in order to give it his blessing. Hashem then told Moshe to accept his death as atonement for having acted faithlessly, and in this way he will be gathered in the bond of life (The World to Come) with those who are as fitting and proper as he is. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Moshe lost the privilege of entering the Land of Israel due to the episode of the hitting of the rock. On some minuscule level, which is a whole dvar Torah in of itself which the Torah testifies as not sanctifying G-D’s name, Moshe, in effect, profaned Hashem’s Holy name – for which he was punished.
The gemara in Yoma 86a quotes a discussion: “Rebbe Masia ben Cheresh asked Rebbe Elazar ben Azariah in Rome, ‘Is it true that there are 4 types of atonements that Rebbe Yishmael expounds upon?’ He said, ‘It is 3 and repentance has to come with each one of them. If one overlooks doing a positive mitzvah and repents, he does not leave where he is without being forgiven… If one transgresses a negative mitzvah and repented, the repentance is in limbo until Yom Kippur brings atonement… If one transgresses a sin deserving of kares (spiritually cut off from the nation) or a sin which warrants the death penalty but repents, then repentance and Yom Kippur are in limbo and suffering cleans away the sin… But a person who has profaned Hashem’s Name (chilul Hashem) then it is not enough with repentance to be in limbo, neither Yom Kippur to be an atonement, or suffering to cleanse the sin rather they are all in limbo and death cleanses the sin.
Moshe, on his own unique level, in a very subtle way, profaned Hashem’s Name. By doing so he lost the share, he originally deserved in the World to Come. But that is only if he does not atone for his sins. It would seem from this Sforno that even though the Torah testifies about Moshe that “Never again has there arisen in Israel a prophet like Moshe, whom Hashem had known face to face” (Devarim 34:10), “And the man Moshe was exceedingly humble, more than any person on the face of the earth” (Bamidbar 12:3), and the fact that at this juncture Hashem wanted Moshe to stamp his blessing on the Land of Israel, still, in all, if Moshe would not have accepted his death as an atonement for his sin then he would not have joined the other righteous people in Heaven.
We see from here that acceptance of one’s atonement is part of the process of repentance, to cleanse oneself of sin, whatever they may be. One small choice can make the difference between an eternal life full of reward, mixed with punishment, or G-D forbid, worse.
Netzavim and Rosh Hashanah – A Message from 15 Years Ago: Spiritual Armament
Yesterday, calculating minds destroyed thousands of people, with attacks aimed with precise accuracy at the most populated areas. It was a well-planned attack by a distorted genius, more beast than human. The giant of the world, the United States, was rocked at its sources of power: business,i.e. The World Trade Center, and military, i.e. The Pentagon.
It is brought down that a person will come to wreak havoc in the universe not only destroying its enemies but whole people. Yishmael has been at the Jew’s throat from the beginning, for centuries. The nations have turned their heads from terrorism against Jews and Israel and never thought it could happen to them, and even condemned Israel for fighting back.
It says in the beginning of this week’s Torah portion: “All of you stand today before Hashem your G-D…” (9:29). Every single kind of person is singled out and “you,” the Congregation of Israel, are testifying for Hashem, and you, the Congregation of Israel, will be the only one standing.
“You stand today;” there is no Rome, Greece, or Persia.
The attack on the Twin Towers and Pentagon, conducted with such exactitude cannot be an accident; the Hand of G-D must have been involved.
There is a parable between gold and wax. Obviously gold is more valuable, but wax figures look more real than images cast in gold. Our sages taught that the difference between wax and gold is that under heat the seemingly real figures of wax melt away. So too by the wicked, there are those made of wax who look real, who speak of democracy, but when they are put to the test, the leaders of the United Nations are corrupt. They only look real.
Our sages have said that Jews were exposed for centuries to suffering that even mighty nations cannot handle. Every religion attacked them. Throughout history the pope was the leader of anti-Semitism; his talk of religion and peace was only wax; when it comes to good vs. evil, they melted.
At the end of the rebuke, in last week’s Torah portion, which all came true, Hashem says: “I leave you the Torah to live by.” It is a tree of life to those who grasp onto it.
Who is mighty? We can see the might of the United States crumbling down on camera.
The question is, will the United States remain wax, or change into a more durable kind of humanity?
This year does not even speak of the past but what will happen in the future.
We have to be “Standing today,” standing in recognition of The Holy One Blessed Be He.
We cannot speak to Hashem during the High Holy Days unless we have sincerity. A method of achieving this sincerity is to be around sincere people. People that stand next to one who learns with diligence or prays with proper intention catches it, it is contagious…
Ki Savo -What a Blessing!
The majority of this week’s Torah portion of Ki Savo discusses the blessings bestowed upon one who diligently observes the Torah and performs its mitzvos, as well as the curses meted out for transgressing them. Towards the beginning of the blessings the Torah says: “Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb, and the fruit of your ground, and the fruit of your animals; the offspring of your cattle and the flocks of your sheep and goats. Blessed shall be your fruit basket and your kneading bowl” (Devarim 28:4, 5).
The Rabbeinu Bachye observes that the Torah first discusses the blessing to one’s body, followed by the blessing to one’s food, but, when it comes to the curses it first mentions “your fruit basket” and then “the fruit of your womb.” The Rabbeinu Bachye says the reversal is to teach us that Hashem first punishes us through our property and, if we do not do teshuva (repent),He will then punish us on our bodies. The Rabbeinu Bachye concludes by citing a medrish that says that The Merciful One does not start with the soul when seeking retribution. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
One can understand why the curses start with one’s money and then progress to one’s body if he or she continues in their evil ways. We find elsewhere in the Torah an example similar to this by tzaraas. Hashem first strikes the house with tzaraas for the one who speaks loshon hara (slander). If it continues it spreads onto one’s clothes. If a person still persists in slandering others, only then will it spread to the person’s body. However, one would think that the ultimate blessing from the Almighty would first be to be blessed with wealth then to be blessed with children, in order to properly take care of one’s household without a moment of despair and stress; so why the switch in order? It is understood that one must have trust in Hashem, that one will be able to support his family; but when speaking in terms of a blessing, one would think that they would be given in the most optimum manner. Especially a blessing from Hashem which the Rabbeinu Bachye a paragraph before describes as a blessing of things one does not have to run after, rather the blessings will come to you, meaning there is not much effort needed to put into gaining these blessings besides fulfilling Hashem’s Torah and mitzvos.
It must be that even when talking in terms of the ultimate divine blessing, the number one blessing is having children, the continuity of life in this world. Everything else is secondary and there really is never anything else to be worried about especially if you are doing the right thing.
Ki Seitzei – Mental Health
If none of the brothers wish to do yibum there is a mitzvah called chalitza which divorces or severs the link between the widow and her brother-in-law(s). This process is done by the woman taking off the shoe of her brother-in-law, which the Chizkuni says acquires for her the inheritance of her deceased husband, which the brother would have received if he had done yibum. She then spits in front of his face on the ground and says: “This is the way to treat the man who does not want to build his brother’s house” (Devarim 25:9).
The Chizkuni says she spits in front of him in order to humiliate him for being disgusted by her, in essence saying: ‘after you don’t desire me I don’t care for you; rather, you are no better than this spittle.’ The Chizkuni says the statement she makes is also to humiliate him in order to settle her mind. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
There is an obvious question that arises from this Chizkuni. How can this woman embarrass her brother-in-law like this, especially in the public eye, in front of the court and witnesses? He is still a human being, and we know that embarrassing someone is like killing them. It is better for one to jump into a furnace then willingly embarrass someone. Furthermore, doing it in public warrants no share in The World to Come, so how can the Torah justify such a thing and deem it a mitzvah which must be done if the alternative mitzvah of yibum is not fulfilled?
We see from here the importance the Torah gives to mental health. The Chizkuni says the reason for doing this is in order to emotionally calm the widow down (לישבה דעתה) . It is therefore considered worth the cost, under certain circumstances regulated by Torah law, to embarrass someone else for the mental health of the other.
We find a similar concept by loshon hara (slander). Loshon hara is a very severe sin which is the cause of the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash. Yet we find “there are time when Jewish Law permits listening to negative information which is no relevance to the listener or any of his acquaintances. Where the speaker feels the need to express his [or her ] anger or frustration for relief of emotional pain, one is doing an act of chesed (kindness) by hearing the person out and expressing understanding of his [or her] feelings” (See Chofetz Chaim A Lesson A Day, page 252). We see from here that one is permitted to vent if he or she feels he or she needs to and it is a mitzvah of chesed to listen to him or her and express understanding of their feelings.
We again see how sensitive the Torah is towards mental health even at the expense of what would normally be loshon hara.
Shoftim- Specialists and Advertisements
דרכיה דרכי נועם וכל נתיבותיה שלום.
“His ways are pleasant ways and all His paths are peaceful” (Mishlei/Proverbs 3:18). With this verse The Rabbeinu Bachye starts his introduction to this week’s Torah portion of Shoftim. He begins by recounting how King Shlomo, the author of Mishlei, is informing us through this piece that both the foundation and the main body of the Torah is peace, and even the main purpose of the creation of the world is peace. The Rabbeinu Bachye goes on for a very long time proving and enumerating, in great depth, how important peace truly is to Hashem. He concludes his introduction to the Torah portion by saying that just as peace keeps the world in existence, so too law and order (or justice) is what keeps the peace. Without law and order people would steal, connive, and kill each other, and the world would not last; through laws and order the world is able to exist. This is evident from a Mishna in Pirkei Avos 1:18: “Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says, ‘The world endures on three things: Justice, truth, and peace,’ as it is said: ‘Truth and the verdict of peace are you to adjudicate in your gates” (Zechariah 8:16). Since judges keep the peace upon which the entire world is dependent, the Torah therefore commands us to establish courts at each of our gates.
This is the intention of the first verse of the Torah Portion which says: “Judges and police, you shall give all your gates that Hashem your G-D gives to you for each of your tribes and they will judge for the nation righteous judgement” (Devarim 16:18). The Rabbeinu Bachye goes on to discuss the juxtaposition between the end of last week’s Torah portion, which deal with the yom tovim of Pesach, Shavuos, and Sukkos, with the beginning of this week’s Torah portion, which deals with judges. He says that even though the Jews all come together three times a year in Yerushalayim, where they could ask their questions of Torah and mitzvah observance to Kohanim,Leviim, and other Torah teachers, it was still commanded as a mitzvah to appoint judges in each and every city.
The Rabbeinu Bachye then defines what a judge is and what police are. Judges are the sages who know religion and laws, and who give over judgements. Policemen enforce the law. They walk around the city with batons and whips, making sure no wrongdoing goes unpunished, and balancing weights and measurements in people’s businesses which need fixing. All this is done under the guidance of the judges. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
One can ask that if not for the first reason to establish courts in every city why would there be a need to establish courts everywhere? Granted, one could find all the Torah scholars together only three times a year, but torah scholars did not only live in Yerushalayim! They were spread out all over the country, living in their own home, running their own yeshivas or shuls, just learning by themselves, open and ready for anyone to go over and ask them a question. The Kohanim and Leviim were known to be the main teachers of Torah, and even though Hashem did not give them their own territory in Israel they were spread out in 48 Levitical Cities, throughout the Land of Israel. If that was the case, why would the courts need to be there for people to ask judges questions? Why couldn’t they go to their “Local Orthodox Rabbi,” posek, or Torah sage living nearby, without the necessity of an official court!?
Furthermore, once the Torah edict was in place for courts in order to keep the peace,why did the Torah go out of its way to emphasize another reason for the courts, which was to answer questions of the populace? Is not the first reason good enough to establish them everywhere!?
It would seem from here that the courts were sort of like a clinic specializing in answering questions on Jewish Law, and the Torah went out of its way to set them up and to advertise them, to ensure that people would ask questions in a timely fashion when issues arise, and not push off the question until the gathering in Jerusalem, which only happened three times a year. If the courts would not have been set up and advertised for this very purpose, then people would not have had the same motivation to ask the questions in an appropriate and timely manner even if there were rabbis and learned sages available to ask.
We can learn a lesson from this, that outside motivation should be implemented in order to guarantee that things are being run correctly. Having special clinics and official specialists that are set up to deal with a specific problem, and advertising it, helps to resolve the issue. In this case, setting up courts in all the provinces and cities to not only regulate the law and deal with court cases which will keep the peace but to specifically be there to answer Torah questions and how to properly observe mitzvos, as well as advertising that that is what the courts are there for, will motivate people to ask the rabbi the questions they have and to seek out proper Daas Torah on a regular basis.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Dovid Shmuel Milder