Author: Rabbi Milder

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Toldos – Self-Pride


In this week’s Torah portion of Toldos, Yitzchak blessed Yaakov saying, “Behold, the fragrance of my son is like the fragrance of a field, which Hashem has blessed! And may HaElokim give you of the dew of the heavens and [of] the fatness of the earth and an abundance of grain and wine. Nations shall serve you and kingdoms shall bow down to you; you shall be a master over your brothers, and your mother’s sons shall bow down to you. Those who curse you shall be cursed, and those who bless you shall be blessed” (Breishis 27:27-29).

The Daas Zekeinim observes that the name, Elokim, used in pasuk 28, is the name used as the attribute of strict justice, meaning this blessing will only come to fruition when you are deserving of it. However when Yitzchak blessed Esav it writes, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above” (Breishis 27:39), implying whether he is deserving of it or not. We also find in King Shlomo’s prayer by the Jews he said, “and give to each man according to his ways” (Divrei Hayamim Beis 6:30), for they would not complain to You. Whereas by the gentiles, Shlomo prayed, “and You shall do whatever the stranger calls upon You etc.”  (Divrei Hayamim Beis 6:33), for if Hashem doesn’t then the gentile will complain, and hurl accusations  On High. (Click here for Hebrew text.)

Yitzchak gave the blessings to Yaakov on the contingency that he is deserving to accept them. In a similar vein, King Shlomo in his prayer upon building the Beis HaMikdash, he started to organize the prayers for the Jews, as it is written, “Any prayer, any supplication, which will be (made) by any man, (or) by all Your people Israel, who shall know every man the plague of his own heart, and spread forth his hands toward this house. And You shall hear in heaven, Your dwelling place, and forgive, and do, and give to every man according to his ways, whose heart You know, for You, alone, know the hearts of all the children of men. That they may fear You all the days that they live in the land which You gave to our fathers. And also to the stranger, who (is) not of Your people Israel, but will come from a far country for the sake of Your Name. For they shall hear of Your great Name, and of Your mighty hand, and of Your outstretched arm, and he will come and pray toward this house. You shall hear in heaven, Your dwelling place, and do according to all that the stranger calls You for, that all peoples of the earth may know Your Name, to fear You, as (do) Your people Israel, and that they may know that Your Name is called upon this house that I have built” (Melachim Alef 8:38-43.)

Why is it that Yitzchak only blessed Esav with unconditional success and Shlomo prayed that whatever the Non-Jews pray for be granted in order so that they will not question and bear hard feelings towards Hashem which would cause a chilul Hashem? Isn’t it possible that the Jews will hurl the same complaints for their prayers not being answered or the blessing not coming to fruition even if they don’t deserve it? Why is it fair to differentiate, a blessing is a blessing and a prayer is a prayer, if they should be answered then answer them and if not then why make exceptions for the non-Jews ,isn’t it possible that a Jew might hurl insults and disputes if he does not get what he wants and expects? Aren’t we all human and feel disappointment when things aren’t going our way especially when we are told that it should? Why then does the Daas Zekeinim say that in fact a Jew would not quarrel or question Hashem if He doesn’t answer his prayers or fulfill the blessings if he isn’t deserving?

However, there is an oft quoted Mishna in Pirkay Avos that says, “Beloved is man for he was created in the image [of God]. Especially beloved is he for it was made known to him that he had been created in the image [of God], as it is said: ‘For in the image of God He made man’(Genesis 9:6).
Beloved are Israel in that they were called children to the All-Present. Especially beloved are they for it was made known to them that they are called children of the All-Present, as it is said: ‘You are children to the Lord your God’ (Deuteronomy 14:1).
Beloved are Israel in that a precious vessel was given to them. Especially beloved are they for it was made known to them that the desirable instrument, with which the world had been created, was given to them, as it is said: ‘For I give you good instruction; forsake not my teaching’ (Proverbs 4:2)” (Avos 3:14).

Though Hashem loves every single human being  there is an extra, double-fold love He has to His beloved Children who He gave His precious gift the Torah to,  why does that mean we shouldn’t have any disputes against Hashem if things aren’t going our way, our prayers aren’t answered and the blessings He promised seem not to be fulfilled?

This sense of Jewish greatness, described in the Mishna, not only shows we are more special than the rest of the world but it comes with it a demand for responsibility to be able to live up to our status of beloved princes and princess of the King of All Kings and to take care of and follow the gift He gave to us. If a Jew realizes and imbibes in him or herself the feeling of self-pride and the realization of who we are then we won’t have any questions or disputes against our Father in Heaven.

It’s a blessing to be expected to live up to the pedestal that the Jewish people were put on and it is inside each and every one of us the ability to appreciate that honorable status, realize the responsibility that comes with it, and actually live up to that responsibility.

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CITE Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 6, halacha 9

The rule of thumb is anything which constitutes speaking lashon hara is also the sin of accepting lashon hara. There is no difference whether you are listening to someone talk about someone else’s misdeeds, or his family’s misdeeds whether it’s past or present or just name calling either way there is a prohibition of speaking and accepting lashon hara. However it is possible that a person who is listening to “lashon hara” will get a sin but the speaker won’t. This is in the situation where the speaker should speak up to try to help a situation but the listener is forbidden to decisively accept what he hears as truth until he does his own research and finds out himself, he just has to be concerned of the problem mentioned.

The Yad HaKetana (hilchos Deos 9:8) says that even if a person says something negative which is the truth it is still called a lie and a waste. Why is it a lie if it’s true? He says if there is no basis or purpose to what is said then granted it’s a waste but it’s even a lie since there is no purpose or even a negative purpose to say it. The Chofetz Chaim has another reason of why a true negative statement is a lie which is the effect of what you say could be a lie because if for example you speak negatively about someone’s family or what he did in the past but he’s a good guy and did teshuva now so Hashem loves him and he has a clean slate therefore it’s a lie to make people think otherwise.

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Torah Riddles Test #151

 2. Question: Why are you allowed to say Shalom to someone in an unclean area nowadays?

Background:
A. Shalom is one of G-d’s names and also means peace.
B. The Mishna Berura (84:1:6) says saying Shalom to a person before davening shouldn’t be done because Shalom is one of G-d’s names as it says “They called Hashem, Shalom”, so to it is forbidden to give Shalom to a friend in the alley way and other dirty places.

 Answer: Nowadays a person’s intent when saying shalom aleichem is only to say “may be peace be upon you,” not “may Hashem be with you”.

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Torah Riddles test #150

1.    Question: Why doesn’t a marriage work if the man has in mind to divorce her soon after the marriage?

Background:

A. The Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 2:10) says a person shouldn’t marry a woman with the thought to divorce her but if you inform her in the beginning that he is going to marry her for only some set amount of time, it is permitted.

B. The Chochmas Shlomo says that definitely when you inform her and she agrees, there is no prohibition in the matter. But even if you don’t inform her she fully agrees to marrying you right now and you fully agree to marry her right now so why is it forbidden to marry her without her knowing you are going to divorce her?

Answer: If she would know your intent it is assumed she would never agree to get married so really aren’t married and the relations you have with her is illicit. (See also the Taz.)

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Chaye Sarah- Freedom, Liberty and the Pursuit of Honesty

If you look up the word “freedom” in the Merriam-Webster dictionary or Dictionary.com you will find many definitions. The Cambridge Dictionary defines freedom as “the condition or right of being able or allowed to do, say, think etc. whatever you want to, without being controlled or limited.” Also, “a right to act in the way you think you should.”
However, the Torah has a much different approach to defining freedom, as seen in the Medrish Rabba of this week’s Torah portion of Chaye Sara. “Rebbe Yossi ben Rebbe Dosa said that Canaan was Eliezer and because he served this righteous person [Avraham Avinu] with integrity he escaped the fact that he was cursed and entered a state of being blessed, as it says, ‘came the blessed of Hashem.’  Rebbe Yaakov said in the name of Rebbe Yochanan of the House of Govrin when he parted from speaking a Torah lecture, ‘Just as Eliezer who served the righteous one with integrity left his accursed state and became blessed, Jews who do kindness with those greater and smaller than them all the more so’” (Breishis Rabba 60:7).

The Yefe Toar explains that the subjugation to gedolim (great people) is in itself freedom and   liberty; indeed, the fact that Eliezer served Avraham with honesty and integrity caused him to be taken out of slavery, which is the curse, and into freedom, which is the blessing. So, if Jews do kindness with their hands, a referring to giving charity, and with their feet, which refers to running to do good, all the more so. This kal vachomer (fortiori) from the servant of Avraham is similar to one found in the first chapter of Brachos 5a, where we learn that suffering is an atonement. For just as a slave goes free if the master knocks out a limb, like an eye or a tooth, all the more so, suffering that effects the entire body will atone for all of one’s sins. And here we learn a kal vachomer (fortiori) from a slave that kindness and truth redeem a person from all sorts of suffering and distress. (Click here for Hebrew text.) 
The Maharz”u points out that one shouldn’t think it is too farfetched that Canaan, Cham’s son, be the servant of Avraham, though they were 8 generations apart, for Shem the son of Noach in fact lived 600 years until Yaakov was 50. Canaan who was cursed by his grandfather Noach chose to cling to Avraham at the end of his life which completely changed his life. With absolute dedication and honesty, he not only was Avraham’s right-hand man, but he imbibed all of Avraham’s teachings, and subjugated himself to the will of his master who was the greatest person of his generation. Because of his dedication and integrity Hashem transformed him into a blessed person and took off the curse that Noach gave him. This blessing the Yefe Toar refers to as freedom.

This freedom was not the right to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, whether good or bad. On the contrary, he was still in the service of Avraham Avinu all the way to the end. Rather, what set him free was his honesty and integrity towards the leader of the generation when doing his bidding. Why is that freedom?
The truth is that one’s performance in life, when done in an honest way without any deceit, is in fact genuine freedom. This is especially true when what you are doing is helping someone so great and close to Hashem as was Avraham Avinu. This is because the further away one distances himself from the façade of the physical world with all its trappings and lies, the closer he is to Hashem who is completely truth and is free to do whatever He wants. Certainly, by surrendering yourself to the will of a great spiritual leader in order to serve him and to learn his holy ways,  a transformative effect will occur to bring you closer to Hashem. This was true to the extent that Canaan who was literally cursed with being subjugated by his brethren and their future generations broke out of the curse by honestly clinging and emulating Avraham Avinu, the closest person to Hashem in the generation.

We can learn a lesson here that if we act as free people by choosing to emulate Hashem with doing acts of kindness with the utmost of honesty and integrity to others whether greater or inferior than us then we will certainly be free from any suffering and iniquity.

The ability to emulate Hashem who is free to do whatever He wants is the real definition of freedom.

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 6, halacha 8 with note

This halacha discusses the importance of judging favorably instead of accepting lashon hara especially towards the rabbis or those who are righteous and G-D fearing. The extent one should go to judge favorably a sage, rabbi or Jewish court is expressed in the example the note gave.

If a person storms out of Jewish court guilty as charged and goes over to his friend to tell him what happened and in the process of proving his innocence he lashes out at the court claiming they don’t know how to poskin and saying quite a bit of nasty words about them. Even though it sounds like he has a very good case of innocence the person listening still should try to calm down the guilty party and surely not accept anything that he says, for several reasons.

1.       It is known, based on a Shach in hilchos Shechita, that baal habatim think differently than Torah sages. So, what they perceive to be logically true might not be what the Torah mandates in halacha.

2.       The court can only judge what is presented in front of them and it is possible that a fact which is added, I now might not have been mentioned in litigation so the court poskined based on what they heard and there should not be any claims against them.

3.       Even if the case was wrong there is a gemara in Brachos 7b that says there are times where it is decreed in Heaven that someone should lose a court case for whatever reason or maybe the other litigant has a better mazel as the Rosh says elsewhere. But the gemara in Sanhedrin 8a guarantees if there is a misjudgment the guilty party or loser will get the value of his loss somehow at some point.

4.       If you see you can’t convince the guilty party to calm down at least you can’t believe what you hear and at the very least you should go over to the rabbis and question them what happened for either they will tell you their reasoning, share with you the sources from where they came up with their psak, or maybe they will realize they were wrong and they will change their psak, which in that  case you fulfilled the mitzah of rebuking properly, as the Rambam (hilchos De’os 6:6) says that it’s better to fight out the issue in halacha then to bear ill will against them in your heart.

At the very least one has an obligation to look into the matter before deciding they are wrong and the more one judges others favorably Hashem judges them favorably

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Torah Riddles Test #149

2. Question: Why can we wear tefillin during a bris but not on Shabbos or yom tov? Background:

A. There are 3 things that are called signs and they can’t actively overlap with each other besides bris, the 3 are bris, tefillin, and shabbos/yom tov.

 B. The problem with overlapping signs is that you are degrading one sign when having the other that is why one does not wear tefillin on Shabbos and yom tov but if so then he shouldn’t wear it when a bris is being performed?

Answer: Rav Moshe Feinstein answers (Igros Moshe Orach Chaim volume 4 question 101) the sign isn’t the act of giving the bris but the fact that one has a bris therefore the father can give his son a bris with tefillin on (to give a reason for the act of the bris, and to show that it’s an action of giving over the sign.) Where as Shabbos and Yom tov is the sign itself so to wear the tefillin during that day cheapens the day. [/exapnd]

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Torah Riddles Test 148

1.       Question: Why does the Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 426:2) hold we should wait until Shabbos to say Kiddush Levana in order to beautify the mitzvah but one should not wait to get his tallis if he only has his tefillin even though wearing the tefillin with the tallis beautifies the mitzvah?

Background:

A. There is a debate whether you should do a mitzvah sooner than later without pushing it off or if you delay and you do it in a better way than it is worth pushing it off. The Mishna Berura (25:1:7) by this tefillin case says a mitzvah done in a timely fashion is more beloved.

B. The reason to push off saying Kiddush Levana from the earliest possible moment, assuming you will have a good chance to do it later, is to say it while feeling fresh and nicely clothed.

Answer: By Kiddush Levana delaying to right after shabbos gives praise to the mitzvah of Kiddush Levana itself. But by tefillin, wearing it with the tallis doesn’t bring praise to the mitzvah itself of tefillin.

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Vayera – Philanthropy: Doing Because You Want to Not Just Because it is What’s Right


We find in this week’s Torah portion of Vayera the destruction of Sodom. Among the many reasons why it deserved annihilation was because of their refusal to be charitable; it in fact became illegal under Sodomite law to take care of strangers or guests from outside the city. This became known as the trait of Sodom and in fact the prophet Yechezkel warns the Jewish people, “Behold this was the iniquity of Sodom your sister: pride, abundance of bread, and careless ease were hers and her daughters’, and she did not strengthen the hand of the poor and needy” (Yechezkel 16:49).

There is a fascinating Mishna in Pirkey Avos that mentions this trait of Sodom:
5:10 There are four types of people: One who says, “What is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine” is a boor (or ignoramus, עם הארץ). One who says “What is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours” — this is a median characteristic; others say that this is the character of a Sodomite. One who says, “What is mine is yours, and what is yours is yours” is a chassid (pious person). And one who says “What is mine is mine, and what is yours is mine” is wicked.

“What is mine is mine and what is your is yours, this is the median trait, but some say this is the trait of Sodom.” Rabbeinu Yonah asks that if we take it literally that a person will not share with anyone though he is not a taker, why then is there an argument of what kind of person he is? The Gemara in Kesubos 68a clearly says that withholding tzedaka is the trait of Sodom and in many places the sages say this type of person is completely wicked. It does not make sense that there would be an opinion amongst the sages that this type of trait would be an average trait?!

Thus, Rabbeinu Yonah felt compelled to explain the Mishna as referring to a person who does give to the needy when obligated, out of fear of Hashem, but it doesn’t come natural to him because he is miserly. His attitude is “I’ll support the poor who come to my door  because the Torah tells me to since I am a G-D fearing Jew, but who  cares whether this feeling of giving comes natural to me or not” – this trait itself is an average trait. However, there are those who say that this trait itself is the trait of Sodom and its roots are very bad until one acquires the trait of giving away (ותרנות). One who does not support the hand of the poor and destitute at all, everyone would without a doubt agree is bad, and G-D forbid the sages of the Mishna would call them average, but one who gives tzedakah out of Fear of Heaven rather  than naturally is what the argument is about as to  whether this is an average trait or a trait of Sodom. (Click here for Hebrew text.)
Rabbeinu Yonah is saying something quite shocking and is a tremendous eye opener! It is possible for a person to be giving lots of money, at least a tenth of his earning in maaser (tithes), besides money to those who come to him begging for charity and if he is really rich he might be giving millions of dollars, yet he is doing it only because he is meticulous in his observance of halacha, Jewish Law, since he is a G-D fearing Jew, but if it was up to him he wouldn’t give anyone a dime because he is too cheap. Since he is giving and not for some ulterior motive like to get a tax cut or for fame, for example too have his name on a building, how then can anyone say that this is the character of Sodom and has very evil roots; he is still doing the right thing and doing it out of fear of Hashem; what is wrong with that!!!

There is an incredible nuance learnt from Rabbeinu Yonah! It is not enough to be G-D Fearing, to do the right thing in terms of the trait of giving, because deep down inside he is still stingy and a miser. Rather one must feel naturally compelled to give to those who are in need and if one does not, then it is debatable whether at the very least he is just nothing special or at the very worst rooted in evil like the people of Sodom.

On the other hand Rabbeinu Yona explains that if one’s attitude is “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, is an ignoramus” because granted he is a giver but he is also a taker and does not realize “that one who hates gifts is a formula for life” which is a good trait. Where as one who has the attitude of “What is mine is yours and what is yours is yours, is pious” which means he takes the opposite extremes of having a natural feeling of being a giver and hating gifts. He wants to give and not take from others which is a trait above the letter of the law, that is why he is considered pious. This takes a lot of strategy and brainpower to be able to support yourself without any help and still have the means to be able to give with open arms to those who are in need, with a natural fervor and passion.

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Sefer Chofetz Chaim chapter 6, halacha 7

The Chofetz Chaim says that there is a prohibition of accepting lashon hara not only if what the person is saying might be a lie, but even if what he is saying you know is true and the person saying it is giving a negative twist to it, if the listener does not judge the situation favorably when he is supposed to, not only does he transgress judging a fellow Jew favorably which some poskin say is a mitzvah in the Torah, “bitzedek tishpot amisecha” but he also received the prohibition of accepting lashon hara just because he did not judge the situation favorably. One of the examples I made up was what if you saw a hunter shoot a child in the forest and someone else ran over to you who saw the same thing and said this hunter should be caught and executed for this horrible act of viciously gunning down an innocent child. This is obviously lashon hara, but you yourself saw it happen however you have to judge the situation. What’s the child doing in a forest where people hunt? Did the hunter aim for the child or was he aiming for a deer, etc. etc.? You can’t come to conclusions so quickly and accept that the shooter is malicious, you have to judge favorably until all the circumstances are clear.

The Chofetz Chaim brought 3 proofs that not judging favorably and accepting lashon hara even if true is a sin:
A. Clearly the person who spoke the lashon hara sinned, therefore so to the one who accepted it.
B. Yeravam ben Navat was rewarded kingship over the ten tribes of Israel for not accepting true lashon hara from the prophet Amos of someone in Israel stabbing him, and he accepted that even if it is true it is a prophecy from G-d. So because he judged the prophecy positively though it was negative and against him he was rewarded to become king even though he became a very evil king.
 C. King Shaul actually accepted the lashon hara from Doeg that Achimelech helped David, which Achimelech admitted to but Shaul believed Doeg and killed many people for helping David because King Shaul thought David was rebelling against his rulership and wanted to dethrone him in his lifetime. Doeg was called someone who always speaks lashon hara because of this and King Shaul was branded someone who accepts lashon hara, even though it was true that Achimelech helped David but he didn’t judge him favorably that it was intent to help someone make a rebellion against his kingship.