Life decisions can be very difficult. On the one hand there is a need to support yourself and your family; on the other hand, there is a mitzvah to be kind and help others. When does charity start at home, and when should you give to others? Though there is no exact science to figure this out, we see what the proper intention, motivation, and attitude should be from the first of this week’s double portions of Behar and Bechukosai. The Torah says one should loan to the needy and not charge interest to a fellow Jew, as it says: “If your brother becomes impoverished and his means falter in your proximity, you shall strengthen him, proselyte or resident, so that he can live with you. Do not take from him interest and increase. I am Hashem, your G-D, Who took you out of the land of Egypt, to give you the Land of Canaan, to be G-D unto you” (Vayikra 25:35-38).
The Sforno on these pesukim relates that one has to “support” a fellow Jew who is needy and not charge interest, doing that “because the nice (or proper) way to support him is to do so without interest or increase.” So “‘that your brother may live with you’ and you shall do this when you have sufficient means for your own livelihood while still lending him, as Chaza”l say ‘ Your life takes precedence over the life of your friend’ (Bava Metzia 62a)” This portion concludes, “To be your G-D…” which the Sforno says the Torah is sending the message, “that His intended purpose for everyone is to be able to be reached by everyone. Therefore it’s appropriate that the order of the states amongst you shall be set up in a fashion that everyone may live among each other, helping each other fulfill Hashem’s intent.” (Click Here for Hebrew text.)
In his translation and commentary on the Sforno, Rabbi Rephael Pelcovitz adds that “it is proper that you organize your social and political order in such a manner that everyone can live together and assist each other so as to fulfill G-D’s intent. Only when all Jews feel responsible for one another can these laws be fulfilled and G-D’s purpose in creating man realized.”
But it’s more than just that. We see clearly from the Sforno the contradiction in life that we started off with. On the one hand we need to help those in need; on the other hand Chaza”l clearly say that one’s personal needs come first. So when does that stop; at what point can one say ‘I don’t need this,’ or ‘my family has enough,’ and ‘now I can share with others, or lend to others?’ Isn’t there always something better one can provide for themselves and their family; why deprive them? On the other hand, the Torah is filled with mitzvos of helping others, such as giving tzedaka and loaning people money without interest. What is interesting to note is that the Sforno merely says the reason why one may not charge interest to a fellow Jew is because it’s not nice. Think about how having a mortgage makes you feel; you don’t feel like you are ever paying off the principal, because even though you put out a nice amount of money each month towards your mortgage, a good chunk goes to interest, taking longer to pay off, requiring you to work harder to pay it off. This gives a person the feeling that they are not getting anywhere in paying back their debt; it is not a nice feeling to give someone. That in and of itself warrants a prohibition in the Torah.
So how do we resolve this contradiction of on the one hand the Torah saying that you come first, and on the other hand the Torah throughout saying to be nice to people and not exploit them?
However, it would seem based on what the Sforno says further on about working together for the purpose of doing Hashem’s will and His intent for the role of this world, that one can at least figure out a formula for when you and your family come first and when you should give to others. The attitude should be: what is Hashem’s will at this moment? Constantly ask yourself that question and be honest with yourself if you have to take care of your own needs or you are able to help others. There is a healthy middle ground that one can achieve by constantly asking that simple question.
Hashem in His abundance of knowledge and understanding knows that a person needs to first take care of himself; but there can be spillover into family and eventually friends, community, and the world at large. When doing the will of Hashem, knowing that He wants your needs to come first then inevitably things will spill over and you will be able and willing to help others.
The Sforno also mentions that this can work on a large scale, working together side by side to help each other with needs that we can’t do ourselves. For example, opening a pharmacy requires architects, builders, electricians, plumbers, etc. to work together to make it happen.
We must have an attitude of ‘I have to figure out what the Ratzon Hashem is;’ ‘how does Hashem want me to serve Him,’ ‘how does He want me to make this decision? Only then can the optimal median of taking care of oneself while helping others be met with success.